What If: What The Skippies Winners Would Be Wearing If We Could Actually Party

Remember that horrible time we were all stuck in our houses and itching to go out and party? Oh wait, we’re still there. But right as we were all going a bit stir-crazy, D-Nice swooped in and saved the day with his Instagram Live sets. This year, he wins the award of “Best Accessorized” because of his excellent headwear (I want that hat), perfectly nerdy yet very fashionable glasses and of course, a matte black mask.

Right, now that we’ve established the “King of Quarantine,” it’s time we honor the queen. Queen Ziwe would continue to stunt on all of us with an all-black ensemble (timeless) and something dramatic like this diamond necklace and sheer, feathery robe, securing her the “Here to Steal Your Mans” award.

No words. I mean, look at this masterpiece. Not only would she be shining the brightest out of everyone in the room, but she would be taking home the “Queen of Couture” award as well.

Our Aunties Patti LaBelle and Gladys Knight have stayed on the “most fashionable” radar. They also seem to be the most supportive aunties out there, which is why they’d win the “Do it for The Root” award and arrive in all green. Think of the pictures... immaculate.

Hello, Ms. Mary! Regardless of where she is going, she does not come to play. She’d be wearing this fit to The Skippy’s afterparty because, yes, she has worn it before and though she is a trendsetter, she’d have jumped back on the monochrome train from the inauguration—but make it sparkly—securing herself the “All That Glitters is Gold,” award.

And the award for “Most Attractive Cast of Characters” goes to... Everyone would be dressed to match their off-screen personalities while keeping the poise, integrity of bad-assery of the characters that we know and have fallen in love with. Jonathan Majors would be going for a “high fashion yet warm” outfit since it is the middle of winter, while Jurnee would likely be giving us very romantic vibes in a floor-length gown. We’d get classic black suits from Courtney B. Vance and Michael Kenneth Williams and god-damn, Aunjanue Ellis and Wunmi Mosaku would just be doing the damn thing.

SLIDE #7

A Treasure Trove of Blackness Award for Best Black Movie You’ll Only Find on Amazon Prime – Winner: One Night in Miami...

If you don’t think that the men in One Night In Miami... wouldn’t show up in ‘60s era Miami fashion then you are sadly mistaken. They’d show up in colorful suits and loosened ties around their necks (if any at all). The only difference would be their designer suits (brocade? velvet?) and they’d be taking home the award for “Dressed to (Colorfully) Impress.”

By day Joy-Ann Reid is a top-tier news-anchor, by night she would be attending the Skippy’s afterparty with the same composure and grace as she would on a day-to-day basis, but with ten times more jewels. With that in mind, she would be awarded with “Most Eye-Catching Jewelry and Bright-Ass Outfit”

Right. The award for “Will Absolutely Get in a Fight And Ruin Your Outfit” award goes to...

By the grace of God, if Michael Jordan really did attend the afterparty, he would be doing so dressed in only black, wearing sneakers and his shirt would be unbuttoned. He’d most likely be wearing jeans but they would be designer and probably a very understated chain that cost more than a year’s worth of my rent. For that reason, he deserves the “I’m Only Here Because I Have to Be” award.