What happens to a former president who is banned from social media? Does he make a sound? Does anyone give a shit? Does he know how to use Microsoft Word?
On Tuesday, the former president of people who put NERD candy in their spaghetti sauce wrote a scathing diary entry in which he noted that he hates everyone and he’s never going back to that stupid school because everyone is mean to him. Oh, and he hates Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell but he didn’t mention his throat fanny pack.
“Mitch is a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack, and if Republican Senators are going to stay with him, they will not win again,” Trump said in the statement released by his PAC, which Trump was sad to learn had nothing to do with Pac-Man.
Their beef started after McThroatFanny decided that he wasn’t going to vote against Trump for inciting the insurrection on Jan. 6, which left some five people dead, but he walked out of the vote and proceeded to claim that Trump was, in fact, “practically and morally responsible” for the riot.
If you are confused as to how McBubbleChin could claim that Trump was responsible after not voting for him being responsible, don’t worry, this is what Republicans do. They have always been the “Man who was totally fucked up” party that doesn’t do anything about said fuckedupness.
Because McSaggyNeckSkin is all about the optics, he penned a Sunday op-ed in the Wall Street Journal defending his decision not to vote that Trump caused the insurrection while bashing him for causing the insurrection, which Politico reports pissed Trump off. Because Trump isn’t good at typing or spelling, he reportedly dictated his annoyance to an aide named “Findsey Fraham” who toned down a lot of the president’s language. Fine, Findsey Fraham is none other than Trump adviser Jason Miller, who reportedly took the lead on writing this bullshit.
And because there is a God and he is just, the original version reportedly mocked McTripleWithCheese for having multiple chins!
“There was also a lot of repetitive stuff and definitely something about him having too many chins but not enough smarts,” the person said.
Miller denies any chin jokes. Miller is also a liar.
McConnell didn’t speak with Politico about the statement but did note days before it was released that he wasn’t going to allow Trump to stand in the way of Republicans taking back the Senate majority in 2022.
“My goal is, in every way possible, to have nominees representing the Republican Party who can win in November,” he said, Politico reports. “Some of them may be people the former president likes. Some of them may not be. The only thing I care about is electability.”
The Republican Party is continuing to fracture and as long as Trump continues to cause chaos from the outside the splinter will be glorious. We’ve not seen a fight this compelling since Nate Robinson took on Jake Paul. Seriously, fuck both of these guys.
What’s making this even worse is somehow South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham has found himself in the fracas so that he could be the whiny voice of reason.
“Mitch McConnell was indispensable to Donald Trump’s success,” Graham said during an appearance of Republican Pornhub’s Sean Hannity show on Tuesday night. “They’re now at each other’s throats. I’m more worried about 2022 than I’ve ever been. I don’t want to eat our own.
“My beef is not with Mitch McConnell,” he added. “My beef is that we need to knock this off.”