Trump: There Are No Comey Tapes Because I’m a Liar (OK, He Didn’t Say the Liar Part)

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I told y’all there weren’t any Trump-Comey tapes, but I refuse to take a victory lap for this one because anyone with a ninth-grade education and cable television in their home knew that there weren’t any tapes of the conversations between the former FBI director and the president.

On Thursday the president used Twitter, as he often does because he’s a damn teenager, to state that there are no tapes of private conversations between the ex-FBI director and the dictator-in-chief.

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That’s because the president of the United States is a low-level deflector and a high-level liar. He uses Twitter to change the narrative around conversations that involve him being shady.

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When James Comey was fired from his post as the head of the FBI, Donald Trump took to Twitter to float the idea that Comey should be careful because there could be tapes of their conversations. Weeks later, when Comey testified in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee, he was asked about said tapes and noted that he hoped that there were tapes of their private conversations. Now the president is tweeting that there are no tapes.

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Then why mention tapes in the first place!? It’s like trying to have a conversation with a texting teen, but that feels offensive to teens—so, sorry, teens. Also, and I want to make this super clear, I can say with 100 percent certainty that the president did not write this tweet.

I base this claim on two things: First, nothing is misspelled, and second, nothing is abbreviated. I consider myself to be a bit of a layman’s tweetologist, which is someone who studies the patterns a person uses when tweeting, and this feels doctored. Either a lawyer wrote this tweet or Papa Bannon gave him the exact wording and allowed the president to press the keys. Either way, this is not in the tweet style of the president, and whoever sent this tweet needs to learn this quickly, or it’s going to be obvious when the president is not tweeting from his own account.

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Either way, the president is a liar and is horrible at red herrings and sucks at life.