Trump’s Impeachment Defense, Day 3: John Bolton’s Booketh Got Them Shooketh

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President Donald Trump speaks to members of the media as former National Security Adviser John Bolton listens.
President Donald Trump speaks to members of the media as former National Security Adviser John Bolton listens.
Photo: Alex Wong (Getty Images)

Maybe former national security adviser John Bolton wasn’t just a publicity thot who took his five minutes of infamy to hawk a book. Maybe John Bolton had a secret plan. Who knows? Maybe he’s not Johnmorosa after all.

Tuesday marks the third and final day of Trump’s defense team’s opening arguments in Trump’s impeachment in the Senate, and all the talk is about John Bolton’s book manuscript, which conveniently got leaked to the press. In the book, Bolton claims that Trump directly tied Ukrainian aid to investigating political rival former Vice President Joe Biden and his son, Hunter. The news was a bombshell for those who act like news that they already knew was explosive, but what Bolton’s book has done is force Republican senators’ hands to allow Bolton to testify in the Senate, which has become a point of contention between Democrats, who know what’s up, and Republicans, who are “MAGA4lyfe.”

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Democrats want witnesses to testify in the Senate as new information emerges and Republicans don’t care what comes up, as they had their votes set before the trial even started.

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So what now?

Expect Trump’s defense team to do exactly what they’ve been doing: making up shit, deflecting, claiming Trump is a victim of a vindictive agenda pushed by Dems, and making up more shit. Oh, and making sure that they say Joe and Hunter Biden enough times until a link between them and Ukraine becomes so connected that they could form a singing group.

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What else?

Get this shit: Instead of having Bolton testify, Sen. James Langford (R-Okla.) proposed that the senators should have access to Bolton’s book manuscript so that they can read everything instead of actually hearing the man say it for himself.

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And you already know who supports this dumb shit:

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What to expect

Look for every member of Trump’s defense team to stand up and say something. Trump’s defense team is basically a white people’s Wu-Tang Clan of embarrassment, including Pam Bondi, Pat Cipollone, Alan Dershowitz, Eric Herschmann, Jane Raskin, Robert Ray, Jay Sekulow, and Ken Starr. They’ve all spoken. All. Of. Them. And they’re all exhausting. But Bolton might speed things along because his booketh got them shooketh. A Republican close to Trump’s legal team told NBC News, “Bolton news makes those who wanted to vote for witnesses a lot less resolved. It makes the task for the Trump defense team more important to keep this moving quickly and be done this week.”

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NBC News also notes that the National Security Council was given a single hard copy of Bolton’s book a month ago but, get this...wait for it...they don’t know where the book is. Bolton submitted the book to the White House in good faith and while the book can’t be found, it appears that copies were made. Bolton reportedly won’t be talking about Ukraine publicly until his testifying issues are resolved.