The Root's Clapback Mailbag: The Wypipolympics

We interrupt the regularly scheduled Clapback Mailbag to bring you this special program:

Welcome to the inaugural Wypipolympics!

To give back to the white community, the National Institute for the Greater Good of African Americans Proudly Launching A Stand for Equality (NIGGAAPLEASE) sponsored this weeklong competition to celebrate the staffers at The Root who earn their pay by making white people angry. The Wypipolympics is not just an awards show, it honors the brave souls who swam in the salty ocean of white tears all week long, only to emerge smelling like slightly used flip flops, Pantene and unwashed legs

Because of COVID-19, we could not hold the in-person awards ceremony this year. But we are proud to announce the winners of this year’s awards.

Best Race-Baiting By a Duo or Group: Terrell J. Starr and Pam Keith

Senior Reporter Terrell Jermaine Starr interviewed Rep. Pam Keith (D-Fla.) about bipartisanship, conspiracy theories and the GOP’s responsibility for the Capitol Coup. Keith’s truth-telling set off a firestorm on Twitter, injuring a legion of already-fragile wypipo who can’t handle the truth.

Best ‘Doing It For the Gram’: Monique Judge

News Editor Monique Judge thinks she’s slick.

Her recent article about showing grace towards Tessica Brown was really just a way to troll some random white dude who claims to be a lawyer. I can see right through Judge’s seemingly innocent Instagram post and spot the anti-white sentiment that made Chance say all the white things, including ranting about affirmative action, how Obama killed his career, that he fetishized Black women (only a certain kind, though) and how he is raising a Black child.

From: Chance
To: Monique Judge

I am sorry that you have such a deep rooted hatred for white people, even though it is probably a white person that signs your paycheck. I guess the person that signs your paycheck expresses a lot of “white guilt“ and that makes you feel so empowered to see the idiotic and ignorant thing you say.

From: Chance
To: Monique Judge

let me tell you about white privilege there sweetheart. Google me and you’ll find out a couple of things. First I’m from where you’re from. Second, I’m a disbarred attorney that lost his law license because your president, Barack Obama, decided it was OK to ignore the constitution of the United States.The President that handpicked me to prosecute was black. The judge that was assigned this case and decided to blatantly ignore the law was black. The judge that oversaw the proceeding from the State Bar of California and ignored every rule of procedure and evidence because she shares your hatred of white men, and relished the opportunity to destroy one, was a black female. So in light of this, don’t tell me about “white privilege“. You’re ignorant and have no concept of accountability and the fact that major news organization actually publish this garbage and consider actually shows that “black privilege” (meaning that you can say and do idiotic things with no fear of consequences or accountability) is a thing. “White privilege” is nothing more than a racial slur against the same people that have enabled you to make a living by pretending that you’re a victim.

From: Chance
To: Monique Judge

What does her race have to do with this? Just curious. This woman did something of monumental stupidity, (and we all have), and decided to let everyone know, and was relentlessly made fun of as a result. And you want to say that she is being made fun of because she is black? I’m not sure how relieving someone of accountability and making them into a victim because they happen to be of a certain race empowers anyone. Instead, victimizing someone based upon a completely false premises (in this case race), does nothing more than continue the cycle that the social justice movement is trying to break.

From: Chance
To: Monique Judge

That’s the thing trick, no black woman has ever turned me down...and you’re a prime example of that low hanging fruit! What are you bitter about there sweetie? The fact that plenty of white guys will fuck you but never take you home to meet the parents? Is that why you’re bitter boo? LOL!

From: Chance
To: Monique Judge

honey, trust me when I tell you that I’ve made more money in a year than any of the thugs that have been up in your guts have made in lifetime... so why don’t you just take that ratchet ass of yours back up on the stripper pole.

From: Chance
To: Monique Judge

you don’t think you have privilege? Who has a better chance of getting into a top law school? A white guy with a perfect GPA and a perfect test score or a black person with a still respectable but less than perfect GPA and test score? For admissions into college, law school, medical school, and graduate school, the bar is lowered for black people. For governmental jobs and throughout private industry diversity hires are given preference...and you don’t see this as privilege?!

From: Chance
To: Monique Judge

because I went to law school that I have a clear understanding of affirmative action. You think I’m obsessed with you? Odd. The women I’m into are closer to Naomi Campbell and Kelly Rowland as opposed to Precious.

From: Chance
To: Monique Judge

you’re not a white person but I bet that you speak on “white privilege“ almost on the daily, yet you’ve never walked in white person’s shoes have you? Yet I’m sure you have no problem spewing out racial stereotypes on the regular when it comes to white folks, don’t you? So I won’t “step aside” which is an ironic statement to make when I’m sure that you’ve complained in the past about having your voice suppressed and yet now you seek to suppress someone else’s voice simply because you don’t like the message.

From: Chance
To: Monique Judge

and as the father of a girl that is half black, I don’t want her to grow up thinking that she is limited in this world because of her ethnicity. So when I see someone that makes their living by writing editorials meant to cast black women as victims, I feel it is my right to comment on that. So as the father of a black girl that is soon to be a black woman, is that OK with you? Or are you going to be a blatant racist and attempt to silence me simply because of the color of my skin?

Best Director: Editor-in-Chief Danielle Belton

Danielle Belton was honored for her role in leading one of the most racist sites in the world:

From: Tomas
To: Danielle Belton

Wow. This is the most racist website I have ever visited. You People must be very proud of yourselves that you can be all pro black, black supremacists, and white haters and get away with it unchecked ... just because you are black. If I started a website called TheCapriote, and posted The Whiter the Content the Sweeter the Meat in the first header, would that be OK with You People?

Best Tool for Angering Wypipo: Math

Our article about white people’s disproportionate vaccine rate fueled a lot of anger from white people who can’t do long division.

From: Brad
To: Michael Harriot
Subject: Racistizing the China Virus

I haven’t ventured onto yahoo in quite a while, but today I skimmed your article on what I assume is your tongue-in-cheek attempt to see access to China virus vaccines in racist terms, and was glad to see yahoo is just as vapid as ever. Yahoo picking up the story is comforting proof that, in your case, like so many who believe they have some kind of viable platform, a little education is dangerous. Being a racist amoeba like yourself is now a thing.

all I did was share my story about what your President did to me. I’m not on here saying that I cannot get anywhere because people are treating me unfair and oppressing me. Life’s unfair. You deal with it and push forward. However, if you constantly claim that your circumstances are the result of “racism” or “white privilege” then there shouldn’t be any question why you’re not able to get anywhere. Your circumstances are a result of the decisions you make, and you can’t blame your circumstances on someone else. If that fact could ever click in people’s mind, if people could grasp the concept of accountability, there would be no need for a social justice movement.

I got run over the coals, and had my name drug through the mud. I lost everything. A lot of this has to with the decisions I made. However, there is a difference between you and I, I am going to get it all back, without a doubt in my mind. And I’m not really mad at the people that did this to me, because if I had the drop on them, (and maybe someday I will), I would do them TWICE as dirty. Take a moment in watch the first couple minutes of the film “The Departed” and listen to what Jack Nicholson’s character says. Then you will see the difference as to how you think versus the way I think.

From: Joe
To: Michael Harriot

So you write a racist article and dumb ass yahoo puts it up without proofing it. Thanks to them we see not how racist you are but also dumb. You state how blacks get more covid then whites and get sicker from it and die more from it. but then you say in North Carolina blacks only make up 21% of the covid cases and whites 62%. And whites 58% of hospitalizations blacks 32%. Ok so that tells me Whites need the vaccinations more then blacks. Also the first part of your article is a lie saying blacks get covid more and get sicker and die. last since when the the USA become a black and white country? Im sorry are there no other races here? Only thing this article tells anybody is how racist you are toward whites and how your racism showed just how stupid you are with a article that just contradicts what you wrote in the beginning of it. if i were you i would get someone to proof read your next article before you make an even bigger ass out of yourself

From: Dan
To: Michael Harriot

Good afternoon Michael,

I saw your recent article and I wanted to offer my perspective. Thanks for your consideration. I have a few comments:

1. I feel like it was an offensive article that isn’t helping the current situationRacial tension in the country is linked to articles like this.
2. It seems racism is a good business nowadays and many people won’t let it die if they can make a living off of it.
3. It takes both sides to fix an issue, not just one

The black communities have been provoking police officers, committing crimes at disproportionate rates, etc. for a long time. The black community literally needs to clean up it’s own communities to improve this perception, otherwise it will never change. If the black communities were clean and safe people would be saying they want to live in the black community. It’s not racial, it’s cultural, and I think people need to realize it and fix it.

Would you be willing to submit an article from the other perspective. I think it will help improve tensions and I would be happy to help and suggest an outline.

What do you think?

Best New Wypipo Roaster: Zack Linly

Zack Linly is a reverse racist prodigy. As one of America’s foremost left-wing domestic roasters, he loves dragging wypipo. We honor him.

From: Just Me
To: Zack Linly

I am white and I am damn sick of tired of hearing about white supremacy, white this, or white that from you and every other damn white hater. I treat everybody the same and it is people like you who are turning people like me against you. You want the next civil war fine let’s do it and get it over with. You are the racist. Not me and not anyone i know. I and others are not going to take this crap of being blamed for all of blacks issues anymore. We are going to stand up against your systemic racism not ours. So go fuck off

Best Use of What Goes Down in the DMs: Michael Harriot

Here is an excerpt from a reader who recently DMed me about how Black people need to forget about the past and concentrate on the future.

From: Her

To: Michael Harriot

Mr Harriet, I’d like to have a conversation with someone who is intelligent, conversational, and of a different “race” than me. If you wouldn’t mind responding, at least once, I would greatly appreciate any understanding that you can help me acquire. My heart is genuine and I make no claims to being anywhere close to an expert. If I sound ignorant to you, I may be, but there is no malice in my heart and it is why I am endeavoring to learn. The heart of my question boils down to this: how can I desperately want race to not be an issue so that we can be unified as one human race while, at the same time, celebrate differences and condemn injustices based exclusively on race?

To reword, I understand that systemic issues have caused many peoples to be mistreated but, if I continue focusing on those wrongs, towards those peoples, I feel like I am not helping to integrate the injured into the whole so that we will all be better for it. Should our society attempt to see skin tone variations as one big race or should it treat them each differently and celebrate them? I guess I’m just curious if it’s actually realistic to expect both. I am interested in your response. I hope that you can spare at least one for this stranger. If not, I understand. Take care. Respectfully.

Here was my response:

Dear Her:

Both things can’t happen. You can’t celebrate differences AND integrate the injured into a “whole” if the “whole” is the one that committed the injuries. First, we have to recognize that idea of “integration” into society is a goal or aim that WHITE PEOPLE wish for. When most people think of “integrating” into society this way, what they are speaking of is welcoming Black people into this society that whiteness has built.

And it was built SPECIFICALLY, in part, with the overt intention of excluding everyone who was not white. And you cannot do that without focusing on the wrongs that were done. Racism is the ONLY PROBLEM IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE that white people think can be fixed by forgetting about it.

Think of it this way:

Imagine if you were homeless for years because there was only ONE HOUSE in the world. It is gorgeous and spacious—You and your friends helped build the house, so you know the house had extra rooms but they would never let you or your friends in. In fact, everyone who lived in the house kept you outside and forbade you & your friends from entering. They even wrote it in the house rules. There were a few people who acted as if they wanted to let you in but most of them at the very least, didn’t care that you & your friends were sleeping outside. Even if they cared, they couldn’t do it because of the house rules.

Then, one day, someone left the door open and you and your friend got in. And when they saw you inside, they said: “OK, you can stay.” And you got your own bedroom (the smallest one in the house) and SOME access to the food. But the rules never changed. The people who were there the longest kept the big bedrooms and still got more food. You and your outside friend are not allowed to change the paint or choose the furniture. You just were “integrated” into this already existing house. People would get annoyed when you & your outside friends would bring up the fact that they kept you outside for years. They’d ask you why you’re so divisive.

Even though you built it and it is where you live, here is the question:

Is that YOUR house?

The only people who would want to live in that house are the people who are desperately tired of being outside. You CANNOT make the world a better place without acknowledging the things that make it a shitty place. You might not have made the rules or locked us out, but you were still one of the people who were safe inside. YOU HAVE TO FOCUS ON WHY THAT HAPPENED. How else do you fix them? And you can’t equate “focusing on bad” with the ACTUAL BAD THINGS.

But if you truly wanted to make this “one world” then there is only one way to do it:

You have to help me burn down the house.

You know why you won’t do it? Because the ABSOLUTE WORST-CASE SCENARIO is too unimaginable to think about: You could end up like the people you kept outside the house.

She actually responded:

From: Her
To: Michael Harriot

That’s an interesting analogy. Thank you for your response and openness. First, what would it look like, in reality, for the analogy’s rule to be removed entirely? How would you recommend going about creating a new house if the previous was just destroyed? When I speak of the “whole,” I am not speaking of a White person’s world which was tainted from its founding for other races to join; the whole is the entirety of the human race working together without racial bias.

So I am not asking any race to join a “white” house so much as I am wondering how every race can create and coexist in a House of Unity. Maybe this is close to your post-”burn it down” system. If that were to be your goal, and we were to successfully do away with the system that exists, would you still see value in pointing out past grievances and ways in which peoples are different?

Or, at that point, do you think that we should move forward, celebrating our similarities rather than the differences found that might divide our human hearts again? As always, I respectfully thank you for our time in conversation.

Dear Her,

You continue to offer a false strawman in your argument. You act as if pointing out the things that white people actually did, in some way, precludes Black people from moving forward.

Both things can happen. The Jews did it after the Holocaust. America did it with Britain after the Revolution. And again after the War of 1812. And with Japan after Pearl Harbor. And after 9/11.

Let’s say white people truly wanted to change. Let’s say the white people in 2021 worked on a totally different operating system from the white people from 1619-2020. Let’s say they wanted to treat everyone equal. If you made such a huge and tremendous change, wouldn’t you want everyone to see what you accomplished?

Wouldn’t you want people to know your past and see how you’ve changed so that you could get credit for your transformation?

Why is racism, specifically anti-Black racism, the only problem that has ever existed in the history of the known universe that people propose we fix by ignoring it? You can’t do it with climate change or crime or war—only racism.

If you planned on doing right, there is only one reason why you wouldn’t want people to specifically remember your wrongs:

Because you were planning on doing it again.

And that, dear friend, is why no one should ever forget.

But here’s your trophy.