We all know that President Tiny Fingas can’t control himself when it comes to social media. Like a teenage girl (sorry, teenage girls) whose frenemies must pay, the president has gone on an epic Twitter rant for the ages and has confirmed the widely held speculation by those in states that have more than one grocery option that he’s clearly unfit to be a camp counselor, let alone the president.
On Thursday morning, the president of those who wear Von Dutch tweeted:
So far, so good. While this isn’t presidential, we haven’t veered into troll lane just yet. But as with most things involving this president, it’s only a matter of time before he mucks things up.
For some reason, and out of nowhere, the president retweeted an Obama dig because he’s so jealous of Barack Obama, he can’t stand it.
Seriously, the president of those with seven functioning teeth just can’t stand the fact that the majority of us who don’t read picture books miss the best president ever to grace the Oval Office with his presence. And it also doesn’t hurt that he married well.
At some point, it would be nice to have someone in office who can just for one day stop stirring the damn pot. But the president of those who stuff their jaws with “tobacky” wasn’t done; then he tweeted:
When is the president going to learn that he isn’t only the president of those who voted for him? My guess is never, because for much of President ShitFace von Afterbirth’s life, he’s only cared about those he loves or wants to impress.
Since many of us with skin the shade of kings and queens knew better than to vote for him, he’s using his time in office to pay back all of us who had the audacity to bet against him. This is why he believes his hate-filled Klan meetings, which he calls rallies, were “dynamic and fun.”
What the president doesn’t understand, or fails to address because he is a petulant toddler, is that none of this is about changing tones; it’s about changing narratives. The president is a liar. Make no mistake about it. He isn’t even an honest person who lies sometimes; he’s a liar who lies all the time because that’s what liars do.
Now, a little background before this next series of tweets, because, of course, the president of people who love dried meats had more to say. During a recent appearance on CNN, shortly after the president’s Arizona rally Monday, the former director of national intelligence, James Clapper, noted that he was worried about the president’s hateful tone and added that he didn’t believe the president was fit to hold office.
On Thursday, the president tweeted:
What a petty bitch. I’m reading from the “Official Clapback Rule Book,” and if I could have everyone turn to Blac Chyna, Verse 7, Chapter 1:
If you are going to clap back, and yes, bitch, you should, then the clapback must happen within 14 hours of initial shade. Anything after 14 hours makes you look like a petty, thirsty trap house queen who hangs out and smokes for free.
It would be nice to have a president who just governs and doesn’t wade in the petty waters, but at this point, that’s like waiting for an apple to become an orange—you can wait, but it’s never going to happen.
And, yes, I blame the 53 percent of white women who voted for this colostomy bag shaped like a human.