It's been a little over a week since I first wrote about Wendy Bell, the WTAE-TV news anchor whose racially insensitive Facebook post led to her losing her job. In the time since, I've received approximately 300 Bell-related emails. Most of which — I'd say 85 to 90 percent — have been very positive, appreciative, and complimentary. And a large percentage of those positive emails have been from White people. How did I know these emails were from White people? Because many of them said "I'm a White person" in the first paragraph. (One even said "I'm a wipypo.")
Some, however, haven't been as positive. And these emails have done everything from blame me (and Black people) for racism and capitalizing on "Black privilege" to compare me to Lebron James (???) and ask if I "sleep well at night knowing I left a White woman in tears." And some of these have been pretty profane, and creative with the profanity. And, admittedly, pretty fun to read.
The most fun came yesterday morning, when a person named "Bjorn White" decided to let me know how he or she felt about my feelings about Wendy Bell. (Also, when I googled "Bjorn White" to see what came up, the results were pictures of white BabyBjorns. Which is somehow both apropos and a paradox.)
Hey Day Moan!!
Bjorn begins with a phonetic spelling of Damon I've never actually seen before. It reminded me of the philosophy professor my freshman year who called me Damone the entire semester. After the first month or so, I just stopped correcting him. Which then made my asshole friends in that class also start calling me Damone. Anyway, thank you Bjorn for allowing me that bit of nostalgia.
Besides being one ugly muthafuckah, you are everything nigger ignorance is all ABOUT.
I know I'm no Serge or Idris, but damn. I thought I was at least a solid six. Maybe a 6.3 on haircut and new Tims day. That was hurtful, Bjorn.
I read your very poorly written diatribe about Wendy and her "white privilege," and here's my take:
I appreciate it when people properly punctuate, so thank you Bjorn. I would have stopped reading if you put the comma outside of the quotations here. (Seriously. I hate that shit.)
Yes, we ARE privileged. As children of God, we are blessed with many advantages over you black beasts of the field and it is our superior intellect and generosity that allows savages like you and your animal buddies to even exist outside of the jungles you come from, without fire, wheels or any technology whatsoever.But since you have been given EVERYTHING by the White Children of God, you now feel you are somehow our equal. That is not the case, nor will it EVER be the case, nigger.
So many quotables here, but first I want to thank Bjorn for finally admitting White privilege exists. Acceptance is the first step on the 12-step Wypipo Reeducation Plan. (Step two? Listen to Wu-Tang Forever.) Also Black Beasts of the Field was apparently the original title of Beasts of the Southern Wild until they focus grouped it and determined it was too overt. Anywho, Bjorn touches on all the White supremacist talking points here. You couldn't craft a better "why Whites are superior to Blacks" elevator pitch. He's a gifted salesman. If this racist thing doesn't work out for Bjorn, he should try his hand at car insurance.
Enjoy your time while you can…it will soon be over and you will be destroyed by the coming of the Lord.
Wait, so God hates Black people? I assumed God just had a dark sense of humor — which, among other things, explains the popularity of Big Sean — but I didn't know he hated us too. Drats. All that tithing for nothing. I'd be better off spending my money on strippers and bottomless mimosas. (Well, more money on strippers and bottomless mimosas. I already have a strippers and bottomless mimosas budget.)
Have a nice day, nigger.
Bjorn
Bjorn ends the email on a positive note, instructing me to enjoy the day while also reminding me of one of my favorite pronouns. And, if you're reading this Bjorn, I did have a nice Thursday. I was on the radio twice, I went to the gym and managed to do five exercise in 25 minutes, I was in the New York Times and the Washington Post, and I ate two donuts. But thanks again for the encouragement.