I spent $300 on bras last week. Lane Bryant had an incredible sale: any single bra for $29.50. On Thanksgiving night, I bought four bras on their website. On Black Friday, I bought six more. I felt accomplished. This was a big fucking deal. I couldn’t keep it to myself. I had to share it with all my ample-bosomed sistren.
The big-boob struggle is real.
I wear a size 42H. My boobs have been here to stay since seventh grade. I went from completely flat-chested to a C cup virtually overnight. I never had a training bra. They went from nonexistent straight into being in the way before I was even ready. It is a family trait passed down from my grandmother. I’ve learned to accept it.
The first day I realized they were going to be the thing that would always draw attention to me was the day I intercepted a note in class that was meant for someone else.
“If you want to see some big ass titties, look at Monique Judge,” the note read.
Having large breasts is both a gift and a curse. It’s the first thing people notice about me. Men don’t look me in the eye because their gaze is drawn to my chest. I at times get accused of accentuating my breasts, when, in fact, they are just fucking there and I can’t help it.
There’s the constant nagging back pain. The inability to ever go braless without looking like a lunatic. And because I have large, pendulous breasts, I am resigned to the fact that when I lie on my back, they will go their separate ways like two bitches beefing with each other.
Seriously. You do not understand the struggle that is trying to wrangle these broads into the same picture when some dude asks for a photo of me without a shirt and bra on. Even with a selfie stick, that shit is a Shakespearean dramedy in 10 acts.
In an effort to make the best of it, I work to always wear a good, supportive bra—and that is the biggest part of the struggle.
If I want a good bra that is going to provide good support and lift while not leaving my boobs dangling down by my navel, I have to spend upward of $60 a pop; $60 for one bra. I envy you A- and B-cup wearers who can walk into Victoria’s Secret and buy a cute bra for $20. Her alphabet doesn’t even go up to my size.
Not to mention, not all big bras are created equal. Our options for good bras are limited. There are some stores out there, which will go unnamed, that will sell you an expensive-ass bra that falls apart after one or two wears.
Why is it so hard to find good bras for big boobs at a good price? It’s so unfair.
And when you do find a good, supportive bra, you are suffering for aesthetics. Underwires dig into your skin, sometimes leaving bruising and scars in their wake. The straps bear the weight of your breasts (because big boobs are also very heavy; I’m sure mine weigh at least 50 pounds all on their own) and leave indentations in your shoulders.
Big boobs are all pain and all struggle.
But when you find a good bra that supports and lifts and makes them look good? They look good.
I have had good luck with the bras I’ve bought from Lane Bryant, despite the cost. They have a few lines that I absolutely love, including one I recently discovered that is now a standout favorite. They have a wide range of sizes from 32DD up to 50DDD. They also have large cup sizes including F, G and H. Here are a few of my favorites from them:
First of all, you cannot go wrong with the Lane Bryant full-coverage bra. It offers great support and comes in a wide variety of colors. There are also lined, lightly lined and unlined options. My favorite is the cotton no-wire, unlined option. My boobs sit straight up in this bra. There is a ton of support, and the bra is not killing me by the end of the day. This bra is currently my favorite for everyday wear. It’s just an all-around good bra.
If you want to have some sexy with your support, I recommend either the balconette line or the plunge line. I wore the cotton boost plunge bra recently at The Root 100 gala, and all night, people were telling me how delicious my boobs looked.
Finally, the T-shirt bras are soft, comfortable and come in a few different fits. I like that they come in a bunch of colors, and you can find matching panties for them if that is your thing.
The big-titty struggle is indeed real, but you are not alone, my sisters. I’m here with you.
If you got ’em, flaunt ’em. Get a sponsor and get some good bras and let those girls flourish.
I will be there to let you know when a good bra sale is happening.
*Shimmies.*