If you're as salty as I am about Serena losing today, you're probably looking for appropriately petty things to say to fully express your level of salt. Fortunately, I've taken the liberty of creating some. You're welcome.
1. "If you're not first, you're last. So it don't even matter if this chick beat Serena, cause if she loses in the finals, she's last just like everyone else."
2. "Roberta Vinci's nickname should be Otis. Cause aint no one coming to see her either."
3. "This is why Serena's better than Beyonce. Serena lets other chicks win sometimes. Beyonce would have hired Tina to make Roberta an intentionally bad weave so the tracks would have split when she was trying to backhand."
4. "Yo, this chick won the last two sets. Two is one + one. Today is 9/11. 11 is two ones standing next to each other. And this shit happened in New York! I'm not saying it's a conspiracy, but I'm just sayin'."
5. "I'm reading the Forbes list of highest paid athletes. And I see Serena's name. I see a bunch of names, actually. There's one name, though, I don't see. Guess whose name that is?"
6. "I guess this proves #wacklivesmatter too."
7. "You wasn't with me shooting in the gym, Roberta. I know that makes absolutely no sense in this context, but since Serena is dating Drake, I thought this would be a good time to insert a Drake line. Because, again, Serena is dating Drake. Who are you dating, Roberta?"
8. "The only Roberta I recognize is Flack. Which is appropriate cause she aint getting none from me."
9. "The only reason Serena lost was to catch a last minute weekend deal on a villa in Turks and Caicos. When her and Venus were huddling after their match Tuesday, they weren't congratulating each other. They were making weekend brunch plans."
10. "Roberta, what's good?"