In a move that surprises absolutely no one familiar with “The Real Housewives” franchise or the institution of marriage, “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” alumna Porsha Williams announced this weekend that she’s divorcing husband Simon Guobadia after just 15 months.
Williams announced her engagement to Guobadia in 2021, taking every opportunity to flash the massive rock on her finger in the hopes that its reflective surface area would blind everyone to the fact that she went from dating to engaged in less time than it takes new dental insurance to kick in.
Though Williams has insisted that the divorce has nothing to do with it, Guobadia, a 59-year-old Nigerian “businessman,” apparently has a record of bank and credit card fraud allegations, as well as citizenship issues that leave him at risk of being deported.
The Guobadias’ drama eerily aligns in timing with the Reesa Teesa TikTok saga “Who TF Did I Marry” — a tale of a woman who married a man only to learn that he lied about so much shit he might as well have been walking around in a zip-up skin suit. If you don’t have the time to go over Teesa explaining the issue in a 50-plus-video series that’s longer than a full work shift, here’s the skinny: Teesa got married too damn quickly without doing her due diligence, just as Williams did.
Both women should serve as a cautionary tale for everyone: Chill out with the microwave marriages.
In the social media era, there’s an unspoken competition to hurry up, get married and get knocked up so that you, too, can stunt on Facebook with the happy family photos from Aruba.
Problem is, when you rush down the aisle, you inevitably skip over essential steps like Williams, who, at 42, should’ve known better than to betroth a dude whose divorce was so recent that she had to battle rumors of being a homewrecker. Divorce is inherently traumatic and requires time and reflection – ladies, if any dude comes to you talking about marrying you within a year of their divorce, check for the banana in the tailpipe.
But when you rush down the aisle, you inevitably skip over essential steps like Williams, who, at 42, should’ve known better than to betroth a dude whose divorce was so recent that she had to battle rumors of being a homewrecker. Divorce is inherently traumatic and requires time and reflection – ladies, if any dude comes to you talking about marrying you within a year of their divorce, check for the banana in the tailpipe. There’s no wonder Guobadia’s ex-wife Falynn says she didn’t know who she married.
Teesa met “Legion” on Facebook Dating (which, like Plenty of Fish, is Red Flag No. 1) in March 2020; a month later, they were looking for cribs to buy together. By her own admission, she ignored a bunch of alarm bells to walk down the aisle with him in January 2021. It takes about a year just to plan a decent wedding and these fools went from, “so, what’s your favorite hobby” messages to the altar in 10 months.
Part of the problem is making major life decisions while in the “butterflies phase” of a nascent relationship. Science tells us why this is a terrible idea: You “fall in love,” your dopamine levels are off the charts and you start envisioning a dude whose middle name you’ve barely memorized as the one who will go half on your babies, hang drywall in the crib he’ll build for you from scratch and sit on the porch with you sipping lemonade watching your great-grandchildren frolic in the grass in 50 years.
This is why I hate (but also hate-watch) “Love is Blind,” the Netflix “reality” show that might be the biggest contemporary offender of the quick-marriage concept. The wildly popular show, currently airing its sixth season, gathers men and women to talk to each other from the other side of a wall – sight unseen – and determine if they want to spend the rest of their lives with them within 10 days…less than a pay period.
Those who get engaged have four weeks to go on an exotic vacation, return to their hometowns, see each other’s messy-ass apartments, meet friends and family and walk down the aisle to say yay or nay. Most of the contestants are in their 20s – a decade in which many of us are still trying to work out who we are – making profound life decisions in the same period of a free Hulu trial.
Now, I’m aware that a few of these “Love is Blind” couples are still kicking — including the beloved Cameron and Lauren Hamilton from Season 1 — and that you know of someone’s cousin’s homeboy who married the girl she met in the bar after a month of dating and they’re still going strong 17 years later. But I implore you to not to allow the example of the sun shining on someone else’s dog’s ass to keep you from doing your due diligence. Background checks are your best friend.
I’m also aware that other cultures have been doing arranged marriages since time immemorial. But Black Americans aren’t built for that – we still strive on meeting and getting to know people as organically as possible. We struggle with the dating apps as is…do you really want your mama to link you up with her homegirl’s cousin’s “really nice” nephew?
So, making a quick decision about partnering with a person that has profound legal and financial implications when we take our time to buy cars, homes or expensive workout leggings boggles the brain. Don’t let your family, friends or social media convince you to rush one of the most important decisions you will ever make.
Because if you’re asking yourself “who the f**k did I marry, you probably already messed up.