Trigger warning: This article contains mentions of suicide and drugs.
Allison Holker, widow to the late Stephen “tWitch” Boss, is telling her truth about her husband, his passing and how she and her family have been in the aftermath in a new memoir. But there’s one story that’s sure to surprise everyone.
As we previously told you, tWitch died by suicide via a self-conflicted gunshot wound back in Dec. 2022. Now, in a new interview with PEOPLE in promotion for her forthcoming book, “This Far,” she details the shocking discovery she made while preparing for her husbands funeral. Detailing how she and a close friend were cleaning out his closet and finalizing outfit details for him for his funeral, Holker said they ended up discovering hidden shoeboxes that contained a “cornucopia” of drugs like mushrooms, pills and “other substances” that she had to look up online.
“It was a really triggering moment for me because there were a lot of things I discovered in our closet that I did not know existed. It was very alarming to me to learn that there was so much happening that I had no clue [about],” she told PEOPLE. “It was a really scary moment in my life to figure that out, but it also helped me process that he was going through so much and he was hiding so much, and there must have been a lot of shame in that.”
Holker then went on to share that while she was aware of her late husband’s occasional marijuana use and drinking as he would often use that to recharge during his alone time—these newfound drugs were a shock to her system. This discovery subsequently led her to reading tWitch’s journals where she discovered more about his inward struggles and other things he kept to himself, including the implication that he may have been allegedly sexually abused by a male family member during his childhood.
Holker continued:
Reading Stephen’s journals, and even going back into the books he had read and the things that he was highlighting and lining, really gave me a better perspective of where he was in life and the type of things he was struggling with. It did have me feel a lot of empathy towards him and sadness for all the pain that he was holding.
While the information may have been hard to process, Holker hopes that by being open and transparent about her late husband—it will help others feel like they’re not alone and that they have a community they can lean on and trust.
“It’s hard to think that he never opened up to someone and wanted to face it, to get through on the other side,” she said. “I really hope people dealing with the same thing will help themselves out of the shadows and [know] you’re going to be okay.”
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please know that help is available. Call the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline today by dialing 988, or text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741.