I’m convinced that President Trump has several photos of a buck-naked Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) holding an equally naked goat in a seedy hotel room lit only by Russian-prostitute-urine-scented candles, as we’ve not seen this level of commitment since this cat saw bacon.
Suggested Reading
Over the weekend, Senate Judiciary Chairman Lindsey Graham, once a respected member of Congress by people who believe playing in mud is fun, floated the idea of changing Senate rules to stave off an attempt to hold a fair and balanced Senate impeachment trial. As it stands, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), has not sent the articles of impeachment to the Senate until there’s a fair process in place. Republicans’ boxers are all in a bunch because they can’t begin their bullshit trial without them but Pelosi is holding onto them after Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) came out and flatly said that he’d be working with the White House throughout the trial, which is not only brazen AF but it’s peak congressional white man.
From Salon:
Sen. Josh Hawley, R-Mo., last week vowed to introduce a measure to dismiss the case if Pelosi does not turn the articles of impeachment over. McConnell responded to his Republican colleagues’ complaints on the Senate floor Friday.
“We cannot hold a trial without the articles,” he said. “The Senate’s rules don’t provide for that.”
Graham, being Trump’s ass barnacle, then took to Fox News, the president’s personal YouTube channel, and claimed that he’d be willing to change the rules too!
“What I would do if she continues to refuse to send the articles as required by the Constitution—I would work with Senator McConnell to change the rules of the Senate so we could start the trial without her, if necessary,” Graham said, adding that he would wait “days—not weeks” before pursuing the rule changes, Salon reports.
He continued: “We’re not going to let Nancy Pelosi use the rules of the Senate to her advantage. This is dangerous to the presidency as an institution. They impeached the president, but the speaker of the House is holding the articles back, trying to extort from the majority leader of the Senate a trial to her liking.”
Sorry Lindsey, who prefers to be called “D-errick Trump, what Pelosi is fighting for is an actual trial that includes Trump officials as witnesses and not the sham bullshit that Republicans are pushing for.
“If we don’t get the articles this week, then we need to take matters in our own hands and change the rules, deem them to be delivered to the Senate so we can start the trial, invite the House over to participate if they would like,” Graham said, Salon reports. “If they don’t come, dismiss the case and get on with governing the country.”
Graham did all of this—the posturing and co-signing of rule changing—for an audience of one since he knows there is no way in hell that Democrats would vote to change the rules. Harvard legal scholar Laurence Tribe took to Twitter to note “that it requires 67 votes to change Senate rules. Since there are only 53 Republicans in the Senate, Graham would need every party member and 14 Democrats to go along with his scheme to undermine the House,” Salon reports.
And that shit isn’t going to happen, but I hope Trump was pleased with Graham’s performance for him.
Straight From 
Sign up for our free daily newsletter.