I like funerals.
Of course, I don’t like it when people die. I take the loss of life very seriously. But I like being around black people in their finest clothes. I love pound cake. I love sitting next to cousins who crack jokes while I attempt to stifle giggles. I like church choirs and ushers and auntie hugs and loud preachers and “look how much Darius has grown!” and remembering and loving and releasing unabashed blackness into the safety of a black void that no one will ever judge or condemn and, most of all, I like seeing black people being bulletproof — even in death.
And that’s why I like black people on social media. Because — even with the outrage and sadness over a black life loss, we will discover a way to make ourselves happy. Our superpower is our resilience and our resilience is a divining rod that will unbury a piece of song for us to dance to, even if the rhythm is provided by a death knell.
I also like riots.
And no, I’m not here to plead with black people to calm down and protest in a civil manner. Oh, now you wanna enforce the rule of law?
Fuck that.
If you’re in Minneapolis, pretend you’re a cop in a black community.
And stunt on them hoes.
Right-wing provocateur Andy Ngo tweeted about this poor old lady.
But it turns out, she’s just an undercover Karen.
So of course, Black Twitter went in on her:
Here’s a social justice joke:
*The views expressed in this tweet are not the views of Michael Harriot, The Root, G-O Media, Superman, Clark Kent, DC Comics (or maybe Marvel, I’m not sure).
In entertainment news, I am not in favor of calling the police on black people but someone should report Wanda Sykes for dragging Scott Baio:
Also, the Swiftboaters are now upset with Burger King about this tweet:
And why wouldn’t they be upset?
I’m sure there’s nothing else going on in the world that would make white people upset, which is why I’m boycotting nutella.
To be fair, I’ve been boycotting nutella for over 40 years but this is the final straw. I’m also boycotting the Yeezy slides that I’m pretty sure you can get in Wal Mart for $13.98.
I’m also boycotting this play that I just heard about (I bought tickets for the meet & greet, though):
There’s gotta be a better way to explain this feeling: