Beards, glorious beards. It’s that time of year when men participate in #NoShaveNovember and attempt to grow out their beards for a month. And in honor of the month, SheaMoisture released a hell of a thirst trap when it comes to marketing its beard products.
There are thick beards, barely there beards (what exactly is that dude brushing?), but we all know beards aren’t created equal. There are those luxurious beards you just want to snuggle and caress.
Then there are those struggle beards that don’t quite connect, about which staff writer Michael Harriot says, “Never trust a man whose beard doesn’t connect. God didn’t see fit to protect his face; something’s probably wrong with him.” And let’s not forget the patchy beards, about which you might ask yourself, “Does he have face alopecia?”
Beards are great, but with men out here with all of this newfound facial hair, one has to wonder, are they beard-fishing people? What’s “beard-fishing,” you ask?
Here’s an example of beard-fishing.
Meet Irvin Randle, 56, who became known last year as Mr. Steal Your Grandma because this grandfather had everyone wanting to drop their panties and boxer briefs.
You can’t deny the fact that with the beard, he looks quite dashing for an old grandpa thot. But here’s Randle without his beard (which took pages, and pages, of Instagram posts to find):
Looking like ... someone’s grandpa who just learned how to take a selfie.
Folks, this is a prime example of beard-fishing. Sure, with massive amounts of finely maintained and moisturized facial pubes, you can go from looking like an embryo to one of the fine specimens in the SheaMoisture ad. Beards have the ability to hide a lot. Like the lack of a top lip. Bad skin. An ugly face.
Beard-fishing is real. So before you go out and find a man with a luxurious beard, ask him to show you a picture of his face before the beard. Because once #NoShaveNovember is over and he walks out of the bathroom after shaving looking like “Who done it,” you’ll hate yourself for chasing beards.