See, This Is Exactly Why I Don’t Be Going to Space: An Astronaut Came Back to Earth With an Altered Genetic Makeup

In what reads like the beginning of a sci-fi book, astronaut Scott Kelly had the club going up ... to space, and when he returned to terra firma, he was a changed man. Genetically. That man’s genes were different. Seven percent of his prespace genetic makeup was altered.

I realize that sometimes things blow my mind that other people don’t find particularly special. I’m still amazed that airplanes don’t fall out of the sky. I even have momentarily “mind blown” moments when I think about that fact that we park in driveways and drive on parkways. It’s the little things and shit. Word to India.Arie. But this shit right here, nigga? From WCNC-TV:

The stresses of space travel can alter a person’s genetic makeup, NASA says, and the changes can linger even after a return to Earth.

Call it the effects of “space genes,” or DNA that doesn’t return to normal after a sojourn in space. The January finding was included in a NASA announcement corroborating a number of 2017 preliminary findings on the effects of space travel on the human body.

Investigators found about 93% of astronaut Scott Kelly’s genes returned to normal after spending one year at the International Space Station. But the other 7% remained changed, even after Kelly returned to earth, signaling space travel can have long-term changes on a person’s body.

I know folks who have been trying to make changes for years to no effect. This dude goes into the galaxy, and boom: changeling. Since this story did blow my mind, I’m going to give you 10 reactions I had while reading it. Sharing is caring.

1. Well, duh. It’s space. Like, why wouldn’t your genes change? Stephen Hawking didn’t die for this to be news. Too soon?
   
2. Whaaaaaaaaaa?
   
3. Say heffa, say what?
   
4. I still hate the movie Dreamcatcher.
   
5. Oh no she didn’t!
   
6. Neil! Somebody get Neil deGrasse Tyson on the line to explain this shit in layman’s terms quickly. Not just the gene changes—what does it all mean?
   
7. What was Mr. Kelly thinking when they called him back into the doctor’s office like, “Sooooooo ... you’s a changed man?”
   
8. He’s an identical twin. Or was. Do they still have to identify as identical twins? Inquiring minds would like to know.
   
9. You can add “space genes” to the list of shit that it’s very important to distinguish, like “good clothes,” “church shoes” and “designer drugs.”
   

1. Now, see, this is exactly why I don’t be going to space.