In this week’s episode of Scandal, everyone seems to be up to something, but what?
Fitz is “wild-carding.” The episode kicks off with Fitz in the back of his limo making out with his new bae, Lillian, and he’s on his way to second base with visions of third when Abby barges into the limo and tells the deejay to cut the music. After Lillian excuses herself (and goes back to whoever sent her to destroy Fitz), Abby tells Fitz that he’s “wild-carding.” She explains that there are protocols that must be followed when the president has a new lady friend. Fitz throws a fit and tells Abby to go away, because he’s a child. Apologies to children everywhere.
Later, when Abby busts into Fitz’s bedroom to give him a breaking news alert, she walks in on Fitz and Lillian again, and Fitz is furious. Furious and shirtless. Um, “Happy birthday, Mr. President.” Abby explains that she’s upset because, unlike Olivia, Lillian hasn’t been vetted. Seriously. Fitz, who dis woman?
After Fitz threatens to fire her more than once, Abby calls his bluff, and instead of firing her, he gives her permission to call him Fitz since she’s his best friend now and is having conversations with him about where he left his DNA. He better be nice to Abby because who else is going to have his back now that a photo has leaked of Lillian creeping out of the White House with her hair disheveled?
Olivia is dizzy. After all that has transpired between Olivia and her father, they are somehow still on good terms. They’re hanging out on a park bench while he’s applauding Olivia for putting her differences with Mellie aside to help her write her memoir, which apparently is a hit. Papa Pope also casually mentions that Jake is seeing someone else, and he also refers to Jake and Olivia as his kids. Gag.
But we know that Olivia has never let the fact that her man has another woman stop her. After Olivia and Jake have sex, Huck pops by as Jake is leaving, and he wants to know what on earth Olivia is doing sleeping with the enemy because Jake and Papa Pope are clearly up to something. However, Olivia swears that they aren’t. How Sway?
Later, Olivia and Jake have more sex. Floor sex. Olivia is always a side piece and never a bride, and we’ve learned that she likes it like that, but now she’s her former side piece’s side piece and that just seems lame. When Olivia tells Jake that her father said he’s seeing someone, Jake says, yep, “she’s special,” and “you’d like her.” Well, that settles that. He also swears that he and Papa Pope aren’t up to anything and Olivia seems to believe him.
Finally, Huck confronts Liv like, “Is you stupid?” Real talk. Whatever Jake is putting down has Olivia dizzy. Olivia swears that not only is she in on the game, she’s winning it. It sounds more like she’s trying to convince herself, but it seems that Huck planted the seed of suspicion in her mind because at the end of the episode, Olivia asks Huck and Quinn to find out everything they can about Jake’s new woman. That’s the spirit!
While Fitz and Olivia are acting brand-new, Cyrus is still a political mastermind. He devises a plan to stay in the White House. He’s going to make a new president! He’s identified Francisco Vargas, the current governor of Pennsylvania—a candidate so perfect you’d think he was genetically engineered. The only problem is that no one knows who he is. Cyrus, along with Tom, who for some reason is naked in a towel in Cyrus’ house, gets Charlie (and an unsuspecting Quinn) to kidnap some guy’s son in an attempt to force the guy to hold Vargas hostage if he wants his kid to remain alive. Fast-forward, Vargas gets shot. Sympathy points! Then Vargas tackles the shooter. Sympathy and hero points! As a news anchor said, “If you haven’t heard of Francisco Vargas before tonight, you’ll know his name by tomorrow.” Everyone else can run around being dizzy, but Cyrus stays woke.
Surprisingly, David Rosen is still being a dog. Susan Ross is now running for president at David’s nudging, and when Susan calls David while he’s laid up with Elizabeth, Elizabeth makes him accept Susan’s invitation to dinner (and sex), and she rewards him with more sex. So David has sex with Elizabeth, then dinner and sex with Susan. By the end of the episode, the tables have turned and Elizabeth is calling David while he’s laid up with Susan and he can’t talk, which appears to make Elizabeth jealous. But Elizabeth and David already got Susan to run for president, which was the original plan. So what’s the end game, guys?
In fact, that's the question I have for everyone in this episode. Fitz is falling for Lillian, who didn’t just come out of nowhere because no one on this show does. Papa Pope and Jake are up to something and you know it’s no good. Olivia is stalking Jake’s new bae. And David is sleeping with both Elizabeth and Susan, which Elizabeth wanted but now isn’t happy about. What’s the end game, guys?
Akilah Green is a recovering Washington, D.C., lawyer-lobbyist-politico turned TV and film writer and producer living in Los Angeles. She currently works for Chelsea Handler’s Netflix talk show, Chelsea. She has also worked as a staff writer for Kevin Hart’s production company, HartBeat Productions, and as a consultant for Real Time With Bill Maher on HBO. In addition, she co-wrote and is producing Scratch, an indie horror-comedy feature film, and is a regular contributor to The Root. Follow Green’s adventures in La La Land on her blog, Twitter and Facebook.