Sometimes, saying, “This nigga ... ” is the only appropriate response to a situation.
Like when I heard Steve Harvey say that black people must learn to respect Donald Trump. As I walked to my garbage can to toss my radio into it, I reminisced over all the racist, xenophobic disrespect hurled at Barack Obama during his eight years in office, and I muttered, “This nigga ... ”
Or when I saw this selfie of Stephen A. Smith with Sheriff David Clarke—the living embodiment of Dave Chappelle’s black white supremacist character—
—I thought about all the heinous things Clark had said about black people, meditated on Smith’s stellar résumé of shucking and jiving, and whispered to myself, “This nigga ... ”
And then there’s Maserati Rick.
Y’all know this nigga. When Washington Redskins linebacker Linden Trail asked his Facebook followers why they thought black athletes marry white women, there were a variety of answers, but one response stood out among them all:
People got so heated that Trail had to remind everyone that he didn’t say it by tweeting a photo of his beautiful black family:
No, the culprit was Ricardo Agnant—who called himself Maserati Rick, a Miami Dolphins player—except he didn’t have a Maserati, and he didn’t play for the Dolphins. Or any NFL team.
It turns out that Agnant had been social-media-stunting on white women for years, posting pictures of his draft signing day, but always using the Instagram filters to obscure his face or number. Check out a sample of his best work:
Apparently Beckies fell for the thirst trap, because for years Agnant exploited the loophole in white logic, transforming himself from Ford Festiva Freddie to Maserati Rick. This nigga duped Caucasian and luxury-car dealers into letting him test-drive the goods.
Let this be a lesson for us all. Whether it’s self-hate or just hate for black people in general, whenever anyone says he doesn’t want us around, look up to nappy-headed Jesus (let’s be real—he lived in the desert and didn’t have a do-rag or Murray’s Pomade) and thank him that there is one less potential cretin in your life. Be thankful that Maserati Rick prefers blondes, because it means you will never have to deal with this nigga.