I am ready! When asked, I will not blink! Ladies and gentlemen, I humbly submit to you the next vice president of these United States, moi. Hey, a week ago, that would have been ludicrous and laughable. But in the wake of Gov. Sarah Palin's titanic interview on ABC last week, this doesn't seem that far fetched.
I, a wannabe soccer dad, know what the Bush Doctrine (actually the Cheney Doctrine) is. I don't support it, but I know what it is. Much more than we can say about the hockey mom from Wasilla. That didn't stop her from saber-rattling against Russia as if she helped draft the darn thing.
Then there's the old college try. It only took me two colleges (half a semester at one and the requisite four and a half years at the other) to get my first degree. She reportedly enrolled at five institutions of higher learning before earning her piece of paper.
I have also had a passport since I was six months old. I presently hold two (well, a third if you count the unofficial one I picked up in Somalia years back). Ever met a head of state? Been there, done that. Fidel Castro is cool, if you overlook the whole revolution thing, and I was impressed by the traditional dress of the former president of Nigeria, Olusegun Obasanjo.
Strutting her foreign policy cred, Gov. Palin noted that Russia is next door to her home state. "You can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska," Palin forthrightly told Gibson. Ha! From my own Manhattan Island, we can keep an eye on New Jersey, Brooklyn and Queens. You never know when they might try to annex the Lower East Side.
Admittedly, there are areas where I don't fully measure up to Alaska's governor. I have one kid to her five. I was never the runner-up in a statewide beauty pageant. But I was once voted best-looking ex-boyfriend at an ex-girlfriend's Caribbean wedding. (Full disclosure: I was the only ex invited. I think.)
It's fine and dandy to be insular and narrow when it comes to baseball (is it really a World Series if you don't invite anyone else?) and beach volleyball (Misty May and Keri Walsh need to retire!). But when the fate of the world could hang in the balance, we need to have the most-qualified vice presidential candidate ever.
The person on a major party ticket is a clogged artery away from the most powerful gig on the globe. So come on, America. Pick me—last call. This isn't a Democrat/Republican thing; it's an American thing!
Nick Charles is a writer in New York.