During an emergency meeting at 7:27 p.m. Wednesday, the past, present and future residents of Wakanda went to the Black Twitter polls and voted to ban all attempts at entry by Grammy Award-winning singer and world-renowned urinator R. Kelly.
It began when the crooner known for loving 11th-graders and singing the song “12 Play” posted this on Twitter:
Afraid that he might try to holla at Shuri or—even worse—use the state-of-the-art studios in Wakanda to make another Keep It in the Closet album, Black Twitter immediately joined their powers to form Negro Voltron and put up a border wall around Wakanda.
Although this treatment may seem harsh, after the R. Kelly vote, a few of us stayed around to piece together a list of a few more people who are not welcome in Wakanda, along with the reasons for their banishment:
Anyone who puts sugar on grits: We have to draw the line somewhere. ... Deputy Managing Editor Yesha Callahan is a sugar-grits aficionado.
Ben Carson: You know what, bruh? I don’t think we’re gonna need a doctor. We’re good with these Kimoyo beads. Plus, Wakandacare is pretty good.
Boyce Watkins: Niggas don’t want you near the vibranium bitcoins.
Bill Cosby: They’re just mad because they heard he was going to buy WBC (the Wakanda Broadcasting Co.).
Cam Newton: I would have let you in, but the consensus is, you dress too weird.
Chrisette Michele: I tried to tell you not to sing at Klaue’s party.
Fuckboys: W’Kabi voted for y’all. No one else.
Kobe Bryant: We’re trying to keep our location secret and we know you’d snitch.
Omarosa Manigault Newman: While Wakanda does not engage in partisan politics in America, we have noticed your continued willingness to work with people whose interests are diametrically opposed to black people’s. Plus, at the National Association of Black Journalists conference and at the White House, we saw how you act when someone invites you somewhere, then invites you to leave.
You don’t want us to sic the Dora Milaje on your ass!
Ray Lewis: I mean ... ummm ... we just don’t like you, bruh.
Snoop Dogg: We love you, bruh, but we’re afraid you’re gonna try to smoke all of our heart-shaped flowers.
Stephen A. Smith: You be hollering too much. Plus, we’ve seen you dance, and we don’t want you messing up the challenge ceremony.
Kanye West: We’re just afraid that when you get in, you’ll leave our ass for a white girl.
Kardashians: I know you’re not black, but we noticed y’all looking this way.
Steve Harvey: I fought hard for you. It wasn’t because of what you said about the water in Flint, Mich., how you cuddled up to Donald Trump, or even how you told your employees not to look you in the eye. They don’t want you here for one reason:
No one thinks you’re funny.
Kevin Hart: No one thinks you’re funny, either, but we would still have let you in if not for one thing:
You must be this tall to enter.
Mo’Nique: We’ll let you in, but if we do, promise us that you won’t make everyone dislike you, then leave us and tell everyone to boycott Wakanda.
Also banned are: Anyone over 21 who does a choreographed dance routine at a nightclub. People who don’t turn right on red. Raven-Symoné. Anyone who still references the Willie Lynch letter as a historical document. Bitch-ass niggas. Ray J. Stevie J. Vegetarians. Kappas.
#WakandaForever.