In 1492, Christopher Columbus landed his three drop-top, fully loaded ships (the Niña, the Pinta and the Santa Maria) on the coast of America, proving that the Earth was round. The Indians came out and threw a party for him and said, “You’re kinda cool, bruh,” and everyone lived happily ever after.
Except none of that ever happened.
Christopher Columbus never set foot in what we call North America. His ships weren’t named the Niña, the Pinta or the Santa Maria, and people had known that the Earth was round for years. In fact, the only thing Christopher Columbus really did is take three used ships and commit rape, genocide and a campaign of brutality against the Native Americans. So why do we celebrate Columbus Day, again?
One brave soul is trying to correct America’s mistakes with one of the greatest petitions ever. Wintana Melekin has created a campaign that has taken social media by storm in an effort to have Minnesota’s monument to Christopher Columbus removed and replaced with a statue of Prince. The OrganizeFor petition reads in part:
Here in Minnesota, communities are reigniting the demand to bring down state’s monument to Christopher Columbus, a man who murdered, raped and enslaved Black and Native peoples in the Americas. We, the undersigned, do not believe that Columbus represents the values Minnesotans carry. Rather than glorify a man who wanted to extinguish Black and Native peoples, we should honor members of our community whose leadership we find inspirational.
We, the undersigned, up submit that the Governor Dayton and the Minnesota State Legislature replace the statue of Columbus with statues representative of Minnesota’s Black and Native communities...
Prince represents Minnesota values and Christopher Columbus does not.
The statue in question seems to be the statue of Christopher Columbus erected in 1929 by the Columbus Memorial Association of St. Paul to “maintain, perpetuate, and, if necessary, defend the historical accomplishments of Christopher Columbus, Discoverer of America.” The landmark is engraved “to Christopher Columbus, discoverer of America.”
Melkin’s petition might seem frivolous, but when you think about it, it becomes very important. Aside from the perpetuation of alternative facts, rewriting history and glorifying a monster, everyone knows that Columbus didn’t discover a damn thing. Prince has probably done more for Minnesota than anyone in the state’s history.
Did Columbus write “Purple Rain”? No. How many Grammys has Columbus won? I’m guessing fewer than Prince’s eight. I don’t recall ever seeing Columbus win a Lifetime Achievement Award from BET. If you do the research, according to primary sources, most historians would agree that Columbus was not a “sexy motherfucker.”
Chris Columbus couldn’t carry Prince Nelson Rogers’ assless chaps.
The campaign is seeking 4,000 signatures and had 3,750 as of the writing of this article.