Oh, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, you tried it. We saw your sad ass up there trying to fight for Trump, claiming that the impeachment article filed against him so soon after leaving office wouldn’t give him enough time to mount a defense. McConnell was trying to get the House to wait until Jan. 28 to send the article of impeachment to the Senate. Yeah, we saw you, with your Mitch-ass, out there talking out of both sides of your neck, but in the end, you don’t run shit. You run nothing. And we heard you, and in the end, we ignored you. Much like you’ve ignored us in the past.
Suggested Reading
The House will deliver the impeachment article against former President Donald Trump to the Senate on Monday, CNBC reports.
Just like that.
Chuck Schumer, the new Senate majority leader, walked to the podium and was like, “GTFOH McConnell before I McFuckYouUp.”
*Schumer being pumped up before speaking to the Senate*
Schumer assistant: You’ve got this playboy. Just walk out there and say “He inciting an insurrection.”
Schumer: Got it.
Schumer assistant: You don’t want to practice?
Schumer: Nope. I’ve got it.
Schumer assistant: Sure?
Schumer: Leave me alone.
Jesus. Schumer had one job. One job. And he’s now put in everyone’s mind that the former president has incited an erection. (Managing Editor Genetta Adams: Ewww.)
Earlier this month, the House charged Trump “with inciting an insurrection against the government by inflaming a mob that overran the Capitol on Jan. 6. The riot, which disrupted Congress’ count of President Joe Biden’s electoral win, left five dead, including a Capitol police officer,” CNBC reports.
This will be the second trial the ex-president has faced for charges of high crimes and misdemeanors. Trump has left the White House but the Senate can still vote to keep him from ever holding office again.
*As Gandhi once said: It ain’t no fun when the rabbit’s got the gun.
*I have no idea who said this.
Straight From 
Sign up for our free daily newsletter.