Oscars Now Considering Host-less Show After Offering Job to Single, Solitary Straight Male

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Another day, another long-standing American institution revealing it has learned absolutely nothing.

After Kevin Hart’s decision to relinquish his duties as host after coming under fire for homophobic tweets, and not even a year after the #MeToo movement exposed the depths of bigotry and sexism in Hollywood to the world, the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences is out of ideas.

Deep in the throes of desperation, the Academy, according to sources familiar with the situation, has reached out to a bevy of Hart’s peers, Tracee Ellis Ross, Taraji P. Henson, Lupita Nyongo, and Viola Davis among them.

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Sike, nah.

High among their options, according to Variety, the Academy has considered going host-less, wrangling an ensemble, Saturday Night Live-style cast of major celebrities and buzz worthy names to throw to commercial.

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SNL, for those keeping score at home, has declined in ratings from year to year all but twice since 1987.

“They’re freaking out,” said a top comedy agent of the Academy. While no contingency plans were in place, planners considered late-night hosts before opting for a safer, less potentially edgy host after last year’s viewership dipped by 19 percent.

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The Academy, which could not be reached for comment (or Google ‘host for Oscars but a woman?’) had hoped Hart would show contrition and apologize for his old Tweets.

I bet Hart feels the same way.