President Obama didn't grow up with a father, so he can be forgiven for grinding the ever-popular "irresponsible black father" axe. ""If we are honest with ourselves," he said, "we'll admit that… too many fathers also are missing—missing from too many lives and too many homes. They have abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men. And the foundations of our families are weaker because of it."
Right.
Barack Obama is out of pocket.
If the Dad in Chief really cared about the state of black America and the black family, he would retire the worn-out tropes and consider ratifying outmoded laws that encourage and support single motherhood. He would make it easier for men to keep and enforce thier parental rights. And he would stop suggesting that black men are animals with no human connection to their own children and make women at least as responsible for thier own failures and bad choices. There is almost always two sides to the story. It's never as simple as "father leaves child." Black men are no animals.
I write about father's issues alot, because I'm a single dad. Most of my male friends are single dads, and not by choice. All the men I know, up to and including my father, have had to fight in one way or another to stay in thier child's life. And I know many men, from all walks of life. What's that about?
Most men are on the other end of divorce, as women file far more often than men. We presume that the man did something heinous to precipitate it — like wearing a bubble coat or drinking cocoa when he should have been drinking coffee, girl! —- but I don't know if that's a safe assumption.
But let's assume that Dude is a sh*t-heel. Fine.
FACT: No matter what may have caused your particular break-up, the father doesn't lose rights to his children. I mean, even Rasputin probably got liberal visiation, so the fact that a father's parental rights are always intact, no matter how evil his deeds, should be a given, right? WRONG. I promise you that if a woman does not want a man to see or have contact with his children — step-children, or kids you all may have made Ye Olde Fashioned Way — the man will have to shell out thousands upon thousands upon thousand upon thousands upon thousands of dollars to get Da White Man to enforce rights that are his on principle. Promise. Anyone telling you that it's easy and you should do what it takes and pay what it cost like it's a walk in the park is batsh*t and/or a woman. Women don't know anything about having to fight for custody, and the way the system is geared, they never will. Because a woman can be jobless, degree-less, tooth-less, cooth-less, on crack, living in a house made of crack, sitting on bean-bag furniture filled with crack with six syphillitic mongoloid boyfriends living in the basement cooking crack on a crack-fire and a judge will still make you prove that you are the better parent. Square Biz.
But, of course, you should do what it takes— but it takes alot, and if you don't have that kind of loot, you are ass-out. Because the state will send The A-Team looking for you if you owe child support —- and maybe they should, right?— but if you are a man, there are no hard laws to secure your right to see your child. She will suffer no penalites by withholding your kids from you. And the kicker is, even after you lawyer-up, the authorities may or may not enforce the few rights you DO have. You will have a hard time and spend alot of money trying to father your children if an angry woman decides to use the children as a pawn, as angry women are wont to do. And that's not all.
The child support laws of most state encourage Baby-Mama as laudable profession, promote a "pay-to-play" dynamic with fatherhood, empower women and emasculate men, all the while rewarding irresponsible behavior.
This first: You Must Pay Child Support. If you make a baby, you have to contribute whatever you can to that child to keep them healthy and vital. So not paying child support is not even a conversation.
The problem with the present child support system, as I've noted many times, is that it encourages women to have as many children as possible — there is no mechanism for compelling the mother to take control of her own destiny by enrolling in school, finding gainful employment or somehow trying to better herself for the good of herself and the child. There is nothing to monitor how the support money is spent, as noted sociologist Kanye West opined: "She was 'spose to buy ya shorty TYCO with ya money/She went to the doctor got lipowith ya money." More often than not, some women prefer to cash the check and not deal with the man.
I know, I know…. that's not what Oprah Winfrey says. I've told you before that Oprah Winfrey has rocks for brains — she's one of the dim bulbs who are part of the problem. She would have you believe that men are are burning rubber to leave thier women and children behind in divorce court. She would have you believe that in 2009, in a world where there are multiple over-the-counter birth control options for women (including the "morning after" pill), that women can't control thier own sexual choices, that black men have remote-control leg-openers and the power to Dicknosis and are singularly responsible for the plight of single motherhood. Her and Obama are promoting a cult of black male apology, where every brother is John Coffee, resigned to soak up every sin of the mortal world. That dog don't hunt.
But let me say this, once and for all time:, despite what Obama, Oprah and Essence Magazine would have you believe, everything is NOT the black man's fault. When given the opportunity black men are good fathers, loving fathers. Present fathers.
President Obama spends too much time harping on the failures and foibles of black men. If Obama really cared about the black family, he would level the playing field by making all parties accountable. Instead of admonishing Black fathers to step up, Obama should be telling women to stop racing to divorce court, that baby-making is not a vocation and then he should put some laws in place to protect the rights of fathers.
Single Father, Author, Screenwriter, Award-Winning Journalist, NPR Moderator, Lecturer and College Professor. Habitual Line-Stepper