Like a lot of famous women at her level, Nicki Minaj’s appearance has been relentlessly scrutinized. One day she’s too fat, and the next day she’s too skinny. One day her nose is perfect, and the next it’s awful. Now that she’s older and wiser, the “Fly” rapper admits that she made some regrettable decisions based on what other people thought of her. During an interview on The Run-Through with Vogue podcast, the Pink Friday 2 artist discussed the complicated feelings she has about her self image.
While not revealing specifics about any procedures she’s had—she previously stated she’s only “had ass shots,” not surgery—Nicki explained the regret that sometimes accompanies plastic surgery.
“I guarantee you, if you change anything on your body and do anything surgical and all this, you’re going to—more than likely, not definitely, more than likely—look back one day and say, ‘I was fine just the way I was,’” Minaj said. “And that’s what happened to me. I could not believe even some of the photos that I didn’t love.”
Nicki doesn’t like old photos of herself “’cause I didn’t like the way I looked.” She explained how at the time she only noticed the flaws, “And now I love the way that person looks physically.”
“I didn’t like being skinny, having a flat butt, you know. Having boobs that didn’t sit high enough. It was a lot of things,” she said. “And when I look back at myself now, I literally was like, ‘Oh, I’m about to look like that girl again.’”
Minaj attributes her choices to the “fishbowl” of having her every move watched and judged. Ultimately, it was motherhood that led her to rediscover and feel comfortable with herself.
“I think pregnancy could’ve played a role because seeing my son did remind me of myself so much. My real self. And it made me think why didn’t I like this? So weird,” Minaj said. “But seeing old photos, being able to look at old photos again made me realize, ‘These old photos are beautiful.’”
In her cover story for Vogue’s December issue, Minaj discussed another extremely personal moment when she became addicted to Percocet, which was prescribed to her for menstrual pain.
“No one told me that this was a narcotic and this was addictive. Luckily, I was able to ground myself. But—once an addict, always an addict,” she said. “I feel like if you’ve ever experienced addiction to anything, which I have, you always have to think twice and three times about the choices that you make.”
She named Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston and Prince as legends who all struggled with addiction issues while trapped in a blinding spotlight.
“These are some of the greatest of all time, Minaj said. “And one day they decided, ‘You know what? I’d rather self-medicate and be in my own world.’”
Whatever you think of Nicki Minaj, it’s always impactful for someone with her reach and influence to open up about personal issues like this. Perhaps she has fans battling unhealthy body image or addiction who will find strength in hearing their role model openly discuss her own problems.