I’m pretty much the hardest, realest dude I know. I don’t always make my bed in the morning. I almost never pay my mortgage on the first of the month; sure, I pay it before its late but never when they ask me. I’m that real. Sometimes I even get three donuts at a time from Dunkin Donuts and drink something called a “shandy”. I smoke crack in the bathroom; I do what I want.
I ain’t saying that I’d body you on sight, but you should definitely consider whether stepping to me is good for your health, ya dig? You should check yourself before you wreck yourself. I just might be one of the 10 or 20,000 most interesting people in the world.
Who is also the most real.
Despite this realness, there is a heart underneath the Teflon. Sure I keep it real, but keeping it real also means that I’m in touch with my sensitive side. I might smoke crack in the bathroom because I do what I want, but I also stare in the mirror and I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
Also, I cry at the movies sometimes and at home while watching movies. Sometimes.
I hear you looking at me all crazy. Crying is natural. And I’m both a classic and a natural man. I have all the shea butters. Which are so necessary after I cry. They say that Black don’t crack (and that picture of the mother and her twin daughters that look like triplets definitely lends credence to that assuming you aren’t 12 when you have babies) and I’m living proof since I cry in the dark and my skin is flawless. Because all of the shea butters.
Yes. I woke up like dis. Please, baby, no more parties in LA.
Anyway, because I’m in such a sharing and caring mood, here is a list of movies that have made me cry. Or at least shed a tear. A thug tear. Baby, cuz I’m a thug.
Forrest Gump
Forrest Gump is one of my favorite movies of all time. I can watch it over and I enjoy it just as much each time. I also boohoo my little heart out EVERY DAMN TIME Forrest finds out that that harlot and horrible human, Jenny, had a son that she named Forrest after his daddy who she seduced that one night then BAILED the next morning. I wanted to fight Jenny ALL OF THE TIMES. When Big Forrest realizes that he has a son and his eyes start to water as his immediate concern is that Lil Forrest is “okay” in the mental arena, it kills me 60 percent of the time every time. I cry. My eyes water and I want to say to the television –and sometimes I do yell at the TV – “IT’S OKAY FORREST, YOUR SON IS JUST FINE AND YOU ARE A FINE HUMAN BEING WHO WOULD HE WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE AS A FATHER BECAUSE YOU CARE AND HAVE A HUGE HEART. I LOVE YOU FORREST!”
If I had boobs I’d flash them then. But I don't and neither does the youth, cuz we em-brace adversity it goes right with the race.
Boyz N The Hood
I don’t even have to explain this one. Well, I might do gotta. See, Ricky getting shot (spoiler alert – Ricky gets shot) was sad as hell. I teared up a bit. But do you want to know when I really shed some thug tears? It’s when Doughboy, Monster, and Dookie find Ferris and ‘nem at the burger spot and pull the drive by moves. And instead of driving off, Dough gets out of the car to look Ferris in the face and shoot him. The pain in Ice Cube’s face at that moment as he pulls the trigger really got to me. It looked like though he was about to kill this man, the pain he felt from losing his brother was so real he didn’t know what else to do in the world he lived. But it hurt me. I still cry. I watched it a few weeks ago and yep, still tears. I wanted to hug Doughboy and let him know it would be okay. Stanley Clarke’s saxophone blaring as “Black On Black Crime” plays doesn’t help either. Turns out "it's gonna be okay" would be a lie because he died two weeks after Ricky, remember? Tre’s senior year SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKED. Keep in mind, they just took their SATs which means it was in the first semester of their senior year of high school. He just lost his best friend AND his former best friend before Christmas break! He couldn’t WAIT to get the fuck up outta Los Angeles.
Please, baby, no more parties in LA!!
The Lion King
You already know that Mufasa getting murked by Scar and Simba trying to wake his father is what got my face to sweating.
Daddy’s Little Girls
In what is one of Tyler Perry’s best flawed movies, the scene where Idris Elba’s girls make their way to his apartment at like 2am and he finds out that their mother’s boyfriend put his hands on them, enough to bruise them…maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan listen. I had rage, sadness, and anger all in one shot. I definitely shed tears but I’m not even sure if it was because I was angry or sad. All I know is that I never ever want to feel that helplessness in my life. He’s an ex-con felon who can’t afford to fuck up again and this man put his hands on his little girls? To quote the late great Notorious B.I.G., “somebody got to die”, which in his case was a pun. Too soon? Too soon. Point is, like Ja Rule said, “I cry”.
My Girl
You remember when Thomas J. died? You do? Good. Do you remember at the funeral where Vada lost it because Thomas J. did not have his glasses on? Both of those moments got me. Like got me, got me. Don’t get me. Because they already did. Unlike Ja Rule’s “I Cry” video. Such a terrible video. Somebody is always dying around Tyrin Turner on camera. Don’t be around Tyrin Turner.
Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
This is one of my favorite movies of all time due to the sheer depth of the concept and how far they went to demonstrate what it looks like removing somebody from your memory. The scene that gets me though? The scene where Joel and Clementine meet, which in his memory represents the last time he’ll ever know who she is. It is the last memory he has of her and because the company did such a good job removing her from the memory and once Joel realizes what’s happening (he only did it because Clementine had him removed) and they have that final conversation about how it’s the end. I cry, y’all. I cry! Then she says, “meet me…in Montauk…” and I’m so happy every time they meet each other again. And I say every time because I’ve watched this movie a lot. Also, this line is full of relationship quotables. And the soundtrack? Lawdhafmercy.
The Green Mile
One of the longest movies of all time also has one of the saddest moments when Tom Hanks character is struggling with what he should do because he doesn’t want to have to answer to God for executing one of his angels. But the part that really got me is when John Cofee was in the electric chair (and his face isn't covered because he's scared of the dark) and Paul didn’t want to make the order to turn on the power. He knew he had to so before he did he shook John's hand and John Cofee let him know it was okay. Then they flipped the switch and watching all of the guards cry as they watched this man who had done nothing wrong but be born die for no reason got me. Sadness. Just sadness.
Toy Story 3
I’ll keep this one short. When Andy had to give over Woody and didn’t want to because he realized that was probably the last time he was going to see him? Yep. There.
When you cry, I cry.
You?