"Morning, Church. I've Been Fucking Everyone. Oh, And I Have AIDS." = Worst. Sermon. Ever.

We've been thinking all morning (actually for just like the last 10 minutes) of a sermon that could possibly be worse than the one Pastor Juan Demetrius McFarland recently gave Shiloh Missionary Baptist Church in Montgomery, where he admitted that he…

A) Was stealing from the church

B) Getting high

C) Sleeping with everyone

D) Sleeping with everyone while having AIDS

…and this is what we've come up with so far.

1. "I'm not really a pastor. I'm an alien sent to Earth to kill church members and chew bubble gum. Today, I just ran out of bubble gum."

2. "Instead of reading the Gospel today, I'd like everyone to listen to this Young Thug mixtape."

…and that's it.