Michael Cohen to Trump: I'm Ready to Flip Like the Last Black-Owned Home in a Gentrified Neighborhood

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On Monday, depending on what you believe, President Donald Trump’s longtime personal fixer Michael Cohen is either ready to flip like Simone Biles doing an Olympic floor routine or he’s still sending smoke signals to Trump to pay for his attorneys if he doesn’t want him to sing like Rufus featuring Chaka Khan.

Cohen told ABC News’ George Stephanopoulos, “My wife, my daughter and my son have my first loyalty and always will. I put family and country first.”

Never forget that Cohen was the former reality star’s longtime personal attorney who once famously claimed that he’d take a bullet for the president. What Cohen really meant to say is that he’d take a foam-rubber bullet shot from some 300 miles away, because ever since the FBI raided his New York home, offices and hotel room in April, Cohen’s been sending up smoke signals that he’s itchy to tell his story, and we know that Cohen knows where all the Russian pee-pee tapes are buried.

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Cohen has even refused to follow Trump’s lead to demonize the FBI for blowing up his spot.

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“I don’t agree with those who demonize or vilify the FBI. I respect the FBI as an institution, as well as their agents,” Cohen said, according to CNN. “When they searched my hotel room and my home, it was obviously upsetting to me and my family. Nonetheless, the agents were respectful, courteous and professional. I thanked them for their service and as they left, we shook hands.”

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And Cohen also broke ranks during the ABC interview when he refused to agree with the president that Russian President Vladimir Putin’s word that Russia didn’t interfere with the 2016 election was enough to prove Russia’s innocence.

“Simply accepting the denial of Mr. Putin is unsustainable,” Cohen said.

No charges have been filed against Cohen. CNN chief legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin claims that the interview was an obvious sign that if charges are brought against Trump’s fixer then Cohen plans to flip like flapjacks being tossed into the trash can now that IHOP is IHOB.

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Cohen “clearly implies that he will make a deal with the government if there are charges against him and testify, cooperate, rather than sort of hold the line for Donald Trump.” Toobin said. “It leaves, of course, many questions unanswered. Will charges be filed? It certainly looks that way given the context of how this unfolded.”

Toobin added that if Cohen agrees to cooperate, then he’s cooperating across the board, which would include special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into Russia collusion.

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“If you are a cooperating witness with the federal government, you cooperate with all of the federal government,” Toobin said. “There is no way he could cut a deal with the Southern District [of New York] that would not involve also cooperating with Mueller. Law enforcement doesn’t work that way.”

Basically, Trump’s team has to start paying for Cohen’s legal fees or we can expect him to flip like Greg Louganis in the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics.