Maya Rudolph is officially the new spokesperson for M&Ms. She’s funny, she’s gorgeous, she seems nice. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a better person for the job.
But you’re probably wondering: why is a news website writing about M&Ms’ new celebrity spokesperson?
That’s because this story is about way more than Maya Rudolph’s next gig. On Monday, the Mars company announced the spokesperson news like this:
“America let’s talk. In the last year we’ve made some changes to our beloved spokescandies. We weren’t sure if anyone would even notice. And we definitely didn’t think it would break the internet. But now we get it — even a candy’s shoes can be polarizing,” reads the tweet. “Therefore we decided to take an indefinite pause from the spokescandies. In their place we are proud to introduce a spokesperson America can agree on: the beloved Maya Rudolph.”
A normal person might ask, “wait who had a problem with changes to the M&Ms shoes?”
The “who” would be none other than Tucker Carlson, who on several rants about the fact that the green M&M was losing her boots and the brown M&M was getting kitten-heels.
Carlson argued that the company was trying to make their candy “less sexy.” I kid you not, he said that corporations were on an agenda to make the candy less appealing, “until you wouldn’t want to have a drink with anyone of them.”
The fact that we can no longer have candy ads featuring candy because Carlson and his legion of fans don’t want to wine and dine them, is official proof that we are in the dumbest timeline imaginable.
Rudolph will be making her debut as the new human M&M spokesperson during a Super Bowl half-time commercial. But this whole thing is just another example of Black women being asked to clean up other people’s mess. Let’s be real, a Black woman would never have started a campaign to make M&Ms sexy again.
Congratulations to Maya Rudolph, you’re going to need all the help you can get against the most toxic fanbase in the world—sexy M&M stans.