Man Buys 99 iPhones To Propose; Girlfriend Says "iDon't"

We might as well get the obvious joke out of the way. My man has 99 iProblems and a bitch aint one.

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That felt good.

Apparently, a dude decided to propose to his girlfriend on Singles Day so he could un-single himself. He came up with the bright idea to buy 99 iPhones and place them in the shape of a heart during his grand proposal. She, however, was on that contrast tip. (I swear I could do smartphone puns for days.)

It cost him two years of his salary (about 82K!). Aw, how sweet.

Except, I have questions Id rather ask Sway than Siri. Because Siri might get a bit offended. But, um… WHY? What was the real purpose of the iPhones? He could’ve used anything to make a heart. Flowers, miniature girl/boy dolls, whale placentas, K. Michelle’s “Anybody Wanna Buy A Heart?” The possibilities are literally endless.

Even if she said YES, what in the Granny Smith hell would they had done with all those extra fucking phones???

Either way, I hope he asks his new girlfriends — the 99 Siris he now owns — how to make better choices.

Roll Call is a daily collection of interesting news stories, articles, blogs, and thinkpieces, curated by Tonja Stidhum and Natalie Degraffinried. They both have big hair, but they are not the same person.