Happy Hump Day everyone! I know, this recap is about as timely as Cisco’s half-baked apologies – but you guys love me anyway. So let’s skip over the part where I tell you “what had happened was…” and get right to it.
Let me start off by saying that Yandy has the worst support group ever. The poor girl is ready to pop in the middle of Van Cortlandt Park and her blood pressure is being kept up by squabbling grandmas. They spent 20 minutes arguing over a dry cleaning bill! I’ll tell you all this: if a grandma in straightbacks and a fitted asks for reimbursement to clean her tailored suit, she is getting ZERO debate from me.
As an aside: I am nowhere near a parent, much less in a coparenting situation. Melodrama and Yandy keep fussing that a weekend parenting situation isn’t equitable – but when they lay out the days…its Monday-Thursday for one side and Friday-Sunday for the other. Isn’t this about as Even Stevens as it gets? Am I missing something here? Also, why are we pretending that Myopia has any chance of winning a custody battle while out on bail for a federal case?
Speaking of federal cases, it should be criminal at this point for Mona to continue to put us through installments of Peter Pankey and His Sister Wives. Simple little Amina is yet again placated by his concessions to simple things. Meeting your husband’s kids AFTER the wedding is the definition of hustling backwards. That poor woman is so lost that the only person she has in her corner is Erica “Ms. Fresh Azimiz” Mena (don’t worry, we’ll get to this), while her infant daughter looks around in terror at the hand God dealt her. Simultaneously, Mr. Pankey is fretting over explaining how to explain to his kids that he is with a new woman and has a child with her; considering that his harem of baby mamas could replace the starting lineup of the New York Knicks, you would think that he has a script at the ready by now. Peter’s decision-making is about as inexplicable as Tara’s denim romper.
Let’s backtrack to the highly decibeled Erica Mena. Erica is in a relationship with Lil’ Bow Wow, and seems to be of the impression that anyone cares besides them two. Seriously, I doubt Cyn even cares – she’s back to enjoying burrito bowls and making eyes at Precious Paris (I’m ‘shipping them now, because what other purpose would they have for being on the show anymore?). Apparently they used to lean on each other for relationship advice, and one thing led to another and she’s in love, or something. Does her being in love preclude him from using his commonly known name? Shad, Fresh Azimiz, Bow – does anybody just call him Bow? Where they do that at? Also, what “blogs” are going crazy? Why do reality characters keep referring to no-name blogs as if that’s supposed to impress us? And why is she blaming them for her tragic personal life? Last I checked, Necole Bitchie wasn’t the reason why she was stepping out on Cyn with Rich last season. Nevertheless, Erica makes Amina swear to secrecy…on national TV.
We next make our way up Grand Concourse to the esteemed Bronx Cabaret, Sin City, where our brotherhood of traveling pants is gathering to commiserate over their life problems while an exotic dancer furiously claps her cheeks in the background. Cisco uses this time to lament Diamond’s cheating – and by cheating, I mean “dating someone too soon after she broke up with him”. Never taking his eyes off of the entertainment’s booty isolations, Cisco decides to meet up with his baby’s mother, who conveniently has been flown up to New York for them to have a sit down conversation – upon which we find out that Cisco was not around for the birth of his child. Friends, let’s call a spade a spade here. Cisco is a pathological liar at best. I don’t think sociopathy is completely out of consideration either. The way that this man switches gears is nothing short of terrifying, and I think that every episode with Cisco in it should end in a PSA. Anybody who says that “you should just get over the fact that you’re dealing with a creep nigga” without a hint of shame need not be in your lives, beloveds.
Random hanger-on storylines: Chink’s family has no interest in meeting or engaging with Chrissy, but they’ve decided that they’re the interracial Romeo and Juliet, sealing the deal with what they think is a contract. No feedback on this besides the fact that Chrissy’s new wig was giving me “Ursula from the Little Mermaid.” Johnni Blaze fights with Precious Paris over studio time, making the phrase “0 to 100 real quick” officially the most overused sequence of words on reality TV since “point blank period.” I'm officially over Rich Dollaz being the straight man of this show.