(The Root) — In just the first four minutes of last week's season premiere of Scandal, giddy gladiators finally got a glimpse of what life must have been like in the Pope residence. And, for anyone who grew up under the thumb of an exacting parent, that scene looked all too familiar.
As it turns out, someone other than the president of the United States has the power to bring Olivia Pope to her knees — her dad. Arriving just in the nick of time to save Olivia from a swarm of bloodthirsty reporters, Papa Pope (played with filial fervor by Joe Morton) whisks the newly scandalous fixer off to get fixed.
"Did I not raise you better?" Rowan Pope asks incredulously. "How many times have I told you, 'You have to be what?' "
An uncharacteristically speechless Olivia tries to whisper, "Twice as good — " before Rowan, so mad he's spraying it while saying it, finishes her sentence.
"Twice as good as them to get half of what they have!"
The rest of that scene played out like a "Things Black Parents Say" sketch on YouTube, with Rowan literally spitting out classic one-liners in that booming voice any child who's landed in boiling hot water would instantly recognize.
And since Liv defied her dear ol' dad by getting off that plane, there will definitely be plenty more Pope versus Pope showdowns to come. Here's a list of the top 10 things we expect Rowan — the prototypical demanding dad — to say at least once per episode (plus one that isn't actually said). Olivia, you've been warned.
1. 'I brought you into this world and I'll take you out.'
Joe Morton and Kerry Washington as Rowan Pope and Olivia Pope (Scandal ABC)
This line is so old I'm sure it's what God said to his only begotten son, Jesus, when he was acting up.
2. 'If you fail to plan, plan to fail.'
Joe Morton and Kerry Washington as Rowan Pope and Olivia Pope (Scandal ABC)
It's pretty clear where Olivia gets her take-charge attitude. Mr. Pope certainly taught her to never play the fool.
3. 'This hurts me more than it hurts you.'
Joe Morton and Kerry Washington as Rowan Pope and Olivia Pope (Scandal ABC)
As the big boss of the scary spy-assassin program, B613, Papa Pope is all-too-familiar with violence. I doubt he'll ask Olivia to "go get a switch," but he'll definitely put a hurting on her somehow.
4. 'Because I said so.'
Joe Morton and Kerry Washington as Rowan Pope and Olivia Pope(Scandal ABC)
Need I say more? Olivia is the queen of the last word, and I'm sure she got it honestly.
5. 'Have you lost your mind?'
Joe Morton and Kerry Washington as Rowan Pope and Olivia Pope (Scandal ABC)
"Don't worry, I'll find it for you," is usually the follow-up to this rhetorical. As the ultimate fixer, Papa Pope might spend the rest of Season 3 trying to get Olivia's mind right.
6. 'You better look at me when I’m talking to you.'
Joe Morton and Kerry Washington as Rowan Pope and Olivia Pope (Scandal ABC)
I was half-expecting Mr. Pope to shout this line when Olivia reverted back to her 7-year-old self during that stern talking to in the season premiere. But the line's coming.
7. 'Fix your face!'
Joe Morton and Kerry Washington as Rowan Pope and Olivia Pope (Scandal ABC)
If a picture says a thousand words on Facebook, then the look on your face says a billion to a black parent.
8. 'I'm going to count to three. One, three.'
Joe Morton and Kerry Washington as Rowan Pope and Olivia Pope (Scandal ABC)
This was my mom’s favorite and it never gets old. Anytime a black parent gives you a countdown just know it’s a trap.
9. 'You've got one more time to … '
Joe Morton as Rowan Pope (Scandal ABC)
Olivia's already defied her dad once, and there's no doubt she'll do it again.
10. 'So you think you're grown now, huh?
Joe Morton and Kerry Washington as Rowan Pope and Olivia Pope (Scandal ABC)
We learned last week that Rowan is the ultimate Washington insider. Olivia is small potatoes compared to Papa Pope. Extra points if Rowan tells her to "stay out of grown folks business" at any point in the season.
11. ' … '
Joe Morton as Rowan Pope (Scandal ABC)
Helena Andrews is a contributing editor at The Root and author of Bitch Is the New Black, a memoir in essays. Follow her on Twitter.