Forewarning: This is a primer on domestic abuse that many of you desperately need.
It just happens to involve Keke Palmer.
Contrary to (unfortunately) popular belief, domestic abuse doesn’t always resemble the final act of one of those Tubi-esque Black films they make ad nauseam with the words “Fatal” and “Affair” somewhere in the title, in which the attractive antagonist attempts to murder the object of their desire in a huge, secluded house.
Indeed, domestic abuse often ends in black eyes, broken bones and—according to law enforcement data—about 1,700 deaths in the United States in 2021 alone. But if murder is the denouement of domestic abuse, there’s so much that precedes it.
So, when it was reported that Palmer filed a restraining order and a sole custody request against Darius Jackson, father of their 8-month-old son Leodis, the now-infamous “Usher incident” from July had an entirely different context.
A quick reminder: In July, Palmer attended Usher’s “My Way” Las Vegas residency wearing the equivalent of a body suit and sheer dress—sans pants as young actresses and pop stars are wont to do—and was pulled in close by the star as he serenaded her. The viral moment made it a staple of Usher’s show: If you’re a famous woman, he’ll come down and sing to you.
Jackson, after seeing the whole thing play out on social media, apparently dropped his PlayStation 5 controller in a fit of rage and, instead of waiting to express his displeasure with Palmer behind closed doors like an adult, fixed his Twitter fingers to criticize Palmer.
“We live in a generation where a man of the family doesn’t want the wife & mother to his kids to showcase booty cheeks to please others,” Jackson wrote in a now-deleted tweet, later adding, “It’s the outfit tho…you a mom.”
Black Twitter (or X, whatever) did what it does and ran Jackson clean off the internet for a little while. But many supported Jackson, justifying his tweets as a “man with preferences” and criticizing Palmer for having the unmitigated gall to dance with a pop star fully clothed in front of a few thousand souls.
We all have preferences, and some degree of stricture is a by-product of committing to any romantic relationship. But Jackson dragging the public into this issue was textbook controlling and emotionally manipulative behavior. Whereas abusers work to turn families and friends against the abusee, Jackson tried it with the entire internet.
Even if he hadn’t taken his gripes to social media, it’s worth exploring why he suddenly had a problem with Palmer scantily clad in public, which she was doing years before they met, and—let’s keep it a band—probably attracted him to her in the first place. Is it only because he now has a child with her that Jackson expects her to comport herself like Offred in The Handmaid’s Tale?
Again, domestic abuse doesn’t start with a slap to the face. It often begins with subtle attempts to control, which become progressively not-so-subtle in escalation. Even Darius’ response to the filing—a tweet reading, “I love you, son. See you soon,” with a picture of him holding Leodis—is a manipulative attempt to tug at the heartstrings of those of us who love seeing an involved Black daddy.
I also realize that we aren’t behind closed doors with these people at all times and that there’s an element of he-said-she-said that’s always in play. But Palmer was very specific in her filing:
“Darius trespassed into my home without my knowledge or consent, threatened me, then physically attacked me — lunging for my neck, striking me, throwing me over the couch, and stealing my phone when I told him I was going to call the police.”
She also filed surveillance camera images that allegedly depict Jackson attacking her. I’m sure only the dust-ridden, Tory-Lanez-Didn’t-Shoot-Megan-Thee-Stallion contingent is performing mental gymnastics to somehow make this Palmer’s fault.
For me, the video that Palmer’s mother, Sharon Palmer, posted on Instagram condemning Insecure actor and Jackson’s big brother Sarunas Jackson over a now-deleted tweet defending his brother, is enough to convince me that everything Palmer accused Jackson of is true.
Sharon said that she told Sarunas a year ago that Jackson was abusing Palmer, to which he responded that he “used to be” abusive like his little brother.
I’m not sure we’ve ever heard from Palmer’s mother in her daughter’s two-plus decades of fame. If the shit she’s saying in that video is untrue, I’ll eat the MacBook Pro on which I’m typing.
Not a question that would come from those who know better. A good station in life doesn’t make one impervious to domestic abuse. It’s an unholy cocktail of childhood experiences, the manipulation of loved ones and a slow psychological breakdown that makes the abused scared or unable to leave. Money and fame have nothing to do with it.
It’s through intervention (either professional or otherwise) and a proper alignment of circumstances that the abused eventually take back their agency—and in hindsight, it would appear that Palmer’s appearance in Usher’s “Boyfriend” video might’ve been her attempt to do just that.
Fortunately, Palmer has the resources to get up and go—not to mention a legion of fans and supporters willing to throw Jackson in a Cross-Face Chicken Wing on sight. Unfortunately, many victims of domestic abuse are without resources and remain stuck even when they realize it’s time to go.
Palmer is far from the first rich, famous, gorgeous woman to be abused by a partner, and sadly, she’ll be far from the last. I implore you, dear reader, to think a bit more deeply next time you think a dude is just “issuing his boundaries.”
If you or anyone you know is experiencing or being threatened with domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE.