Alabama Republicans insist there’s nothing wrong, that Roy Moore is just a cold sore. But just when you think he’s been defeated, here he comes out of nowhere to fuck up your day.
In a new poll, accused child molester and former Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore is somehow, some way leading the pack of potential Republicans trying for a chance to unseat Democratic Sen. Doug Jones, who has literally done nothing since black people came out like the superheroes they are to save America and help put Jones into office.
And get this, the GOP loves Moore so much that he’s already leading the pack of possible candidates and he hasn’t even declared that he’s running!
“I’m seriously considering it,” Moore told a Christian radio host last month. “I think that it [the 2017 Senate race] was stolen,” The Hill reports.
Moore has been on this kick since he lost. He’s never been able to accept it, and in fact held on like a mink eyelash in a thunderstorm, refusing to concede, so he’s still using that narrow margin of defeat, much like Trump, to claim conspiracy.
So Jones has a lot to worry about. He finds himself on the hot seat again after winning the special election on December 12, 2017 to fill the vacancy left open after former Alabama senator and maker of some of the finest cookies crafted inside a tree, Jeff Sessions, abandoned his post to join President Trump’s merry band of White Walkers as attorney general. Jones’ seat will be up for grabs in 2020, and he is now faced with the challenge of possibly battling Moore again for a full-term in the Senate.
From The Hill:
A new poll shows Moore leading a still-evolving field of Alabama Republicans competing for the nomination. He is the top choice of 27 percent of Alabama Republican voters, according to the Mason-Dixon Polling & Strategy Inc. survey.
The state’s three Republican members of Congress finish well behind Moore: Rep. Mo Brooks would take 18 percent, Rep. Bradley Byrne clocks in at 13 percent and Rep. Gary Palmer would take 11 percent.
State Senate President Pro Tem Del Marsh would take 4 percent, and businessman Tim Jones finishes with just 2 percent of the vote.
So far, Byrne is the only Republican candidate among those tested to have formally entered the race. Tommy Tuberville, the former Auburn University football coach, and state Auditor Jim Zeigler have also said they will run, though they were not tested in the survey.
Moore emphatically denied the allegations that “he harassed or pursued women who were in their teens when he was in his 30s,” The Hill reports. He also wore a cowboy hat and a leather vest during speeches and showed up to vote in the 2017 election riding a goddamn horse.
Moore in his leather vest and cowboy hat:
Moore arriving to vote on a goddamn horse:
Despite being an accused molester, he was fully supported by Alabama Republicans and the accused molester-in-chief, President Trump. Steve Bannon, the president’s former white nationalist ASMR machine, even went down to Alabama to campaign for Moore.
Jones won by a narrow 1.7 percentage points, or about 22,000 votes, according to The Hill. Jones’ slim victory made him the first Democrat to win the deep red state in more than 25 years.
Should Moore throw his oversized cowboy hat into the ring, he will still face an uphill battle as “a third of Alabama Republicans, 34 percent, say they have a favorable impression of Moore, while 29 percent see him unfavorably.” But if any other Republican wins the nomination, they’ll most likely beat Jones effortlessly, as some 50 percent of voters say they would love to replace him. Don’t forget that Alabama loves them some Trump and favored him by “28 percentage points in 2016,” according to The Hill.