President Donald Trump came all the way to New Orleans to get beads but he doesn’t want to show his taxes. Trump will bend over but he refuses to let his knees touch his elbows. Trump will shake it fast, but he will not, under any circumstances, watch himself.
Well, on Thursday, federal judge, Victor Marrero, told Trump that his challenge to a subpoena from Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. was boo-boo and sided with the D.A., who wants to know if Trump violated state laws, and in order to find that out, he’s going to need to see what Trump is working with.
But don’t get too excited.
The president is going to try his best to keep this thing in the courts, which means he is going to appeal the decision, and even if Trump is forced to hand over his tax records, they won’t be available to the public before fall’s election, CNBC reports.
From CNBC:
The subpoena, directed to the president’s longtime accounting firm Mazars USA, seeks the president’s personal and business records, including tax returns, dating to 2011.
The ruling by the New York federal judge comes a month after the Supreme Court rejected the president’s earlier claims of absolute immunity from state criminal subpoenas. While the top court rejected the immunity argument, it said the president was entitled to object to the subpoena on alternative grounds.
Following the Supreme Court ruling, the president argued that the subpoena was overly broad and politically motivated. But Marrero said those objections were essentially the same as the earlier immunity arguments.
Marrero wrote that he could not “mechanically credit” the president’s new arguments, likening them to “absolute immunity through a back door.”
Marrero, much like shot-blocker Dikembe Mutombo and Uncle Phil to Jazzy Jeff, the judge told Trump to get that shit out of here and prevented the president’s counsel from bringing up new arguments.
CNBC notes that Vance has been tight-lipped about his investigation, but we do know that he’s going to need to see the president’s taxes. His office is already investigating down-low payments to porn actress Stormy Daniels for not throwing up during a reported sexual encounter with the flaccid walrus.
Vance could also be investigating possible bank and insurance fraud, but who knows? It’s all speculation at this point. Trump has lied about his taxes since taking office, claiming that he would show them to the world if they wanted to see them, but they were being audited. Several tax specialists have noted that an audit doesn’t prevent Trump from revealing his taxes, but the White House noted that an audit being done by the Russians does prevent it.
OK, fine. They didn’t say anything about Russians but you know he’s got some Russian pee-pee payments on those joints.
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