Joe Biden Just Wrote That He Wants to Give Police More Money, and He Totally Needs to STFU

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A photo of Joe Biden either in the beginning phases of dapping someone up or about to punch something. Odds are 50-50.
A photo of Joe Biden either in the beginning phases of dapping someone up or about to punch something. Odds are 50-50.
Photo: Olivier Douliery (Getty Images)

I don’t know how many times I need to say this, but Joe Biden needs to only be rolled out to the American public three times: Once to say that he’s picked a black woman to be his vice president, another time so he can say “Black Lives Matter” and the last time to say “Thank you to all the people who helped elect me president.”

That’s it.

Then, we don’t need to hear from Joe Biden any more this year. Not any more. He doesn’t need to announce his plans, he doesn’t need to say what he’s working on. He definitely doesn’t need to talk to anyone black on a public television network. At this point, I’m fine if Biden stays in a hyperbaric chamber and only comes out around 3:00 pm every night for dinner.

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Because the more the former vice president talks—or writes, in this case—the more he keeps fucking this up!

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Joe Robinette Biden (that’s his real middle name; I already wrote about the ability of his middle name alone to resonate with the black community) fixed his old-ass fingers to type out an op-ed for USA Today in which he didn’t hear the cries of the protesters (who are likely votes for his ass) to defund the police. Nope, Robinette marched his old white ass out here and said “I’m going to spend more money on the police!”

Jesus Christ, Joe Biden will you please just STFU!

Chances are that you’re not going to read his op-ed, but if you want to punch yourself in the face or feel worse about eating too much ice cream, then you can read it here. For those of you who aren’t willing to read it, let me give you the Cliff notes:

  • Biden claims we are in a battle for the soul of this nation.
  • Donald Trump is a spewer of hate.
  • This part I liked: “We need to root out systemic racism across our laws and institutions, and we need to make sure black Americans have a real shot to get ahead.”
  • He noted that black folks have been living with a knee on their necks for too long (OK, Joe. We see you.)
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And then Joe drove the truck right off the fucking cliff when stated this bullshit:

I do not support defunding police. The better answer is to give police departments the resources they need to implement meaningful reforms, and to condition other federal dollars on completing those reforms.

I’ve long been a firm believer in the power of community policing—getting cops out of their cruisers and building relationships with the people and the communities they are there to serve and protect. That’s why I’m proposing an additional $300 million to reinvigorate community policing in our country. Every single police department should have the money they need to institute real reforms like adopting a national use of force standard, buying body cameras, and recruiting more diverse police officers.

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Why, Joe? Why?

Why doesn’t someone in his ranks tell him this is not the way? You can’t speak out of both sides of your neck, Joe. You can’t say that you understand the heart of the Movement for Black Lives and the mistreatment of African Americans and completely ignore their call to defund the police departments that have a systemic problem of over-policing black and brown communities. And then, in the same breath, say that you not only aren’t for defunding the police but you’re actually for increasing their budget! It makes no sense, but what makes even less sense is why you keep talking. I’ve already instructed the Biden campaign on how to handle this: Choose a black woman for vice president and let her bring it home.

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Even with Russia’s help, Trump would lose to a wet sock. Trump just can’t stop shooting his own self in the foot, and all Biden has to do is STFU and he wins—and he can’t even do that. Something tells me that in all of this is a bigger story about privilege–both male and white–a larger story of the ego and the efforts with which the ego can undo the self, even when the ego has the best intentions. But right now, I just want Joe to STFU—please, I’m begging you. But something tells me he’s not listening because he’s busy handing someone his beer so he can walk to the mic.