It’s morning in America, as we bask in the afterglow of Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. winning the presidency after a contentious battle with Donald Trump. This wasn’t just a win for President-elect Biden and Kamala Harris. It was a victory for hope, for honor, for righteousness, for the ancestors, for a return of class, and for our children. As I told my one-year-old son as he bounced on my lap while we watched the celebrations in the street, “The electoral college has its faults, my darling, but the forefathers had foresight.” And then, I cried.
Still, although the battle was fierce and Trump has given no indication of conceding, we must remember that there are tens of millions of Americans who voted for him. And for us to move forward as a nation, we must heed the wise words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, who once said “If you meet a secretary, or a hostile partisan, never recognize the dividing lines; but meet on what common ground remains—if only that the sun shines, and the rain rains for both.”
And so, this week, my duty as an American is to reach out to Trump supporters, and MOTHERFUCCCCCK THAT SHIT THERE WILL BE NO RECONCILIATION NO OLIVE BRANCH EXTENDING NO CHEEK TURNING NO SEARCHING FOR COMMON GROUND NO NETFLIX PASSWORD BORROWING IF I REACH OUT IT’LL BE TO CLOTHESLINE THOSE FUCKS TO OPEN HAND SMACK THEIR EARDRUMS TO CHOKE SLAM THEM INTO A BALLOT BOX TO STEAL ALL THE REMOTE CONTROLS AND SHOELACES FROM THEIR HOMES TO GRAB THEIR HANDS WHILE THEY’RE SLEEP AND PLACE THEM IN A BUCKET OF WARM WATER CAUSE I HEARD THAT MAKES PEOPLE PISS THE BED AND I ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE IF THAT WOULD REALLY HAPPEN I’LL REACH OUT THE WAY TOMMY REACHED OUT TO BILLY BATTS THE WAY OMAR REACHED OUT TO STRINGER BELL THE WAY THE ASTEROID REACHED OUT TO THE MOTHERFUCKING DINOSAURS I AM AGGRESSIVELY UNSAD THAT THOSE FUCKS FEEL SAD INTOXICATED WITH THEIR ANGUISH DRUNK FROM THEIR DEFEAT I CHANGED MY DAUGHTER’S NAME TO SCHADENFREUDE WHICH I KNOW WAS A CURIOUS DECISION BUT I’M TOO HIGH TO GIVE A SHIT WHEN PEOPLE SAY SHIT LIKE “NOT EVERY TRUMP VOTER IS A RACIST MISOGYNIST” IT’S LIKE SAYING “NOT EVERY ROACH IS INTO ROACHING” IF YOU SUPPORT A NIGGA WHO WANTS ME DEAD DON’T BE SHOCKED IF I HOPE YOU GET GOUT OF THE MOUTH STUNNED IF I HOPE A PIGEON SHITS IN YOUR EYE STUMPED IF I HOPE YOUR GRANDKIDS HAVE EXTRA SMALL FOREHEADS AND EXTRA BIG SEPTUMS SURPRISED IF HOPE THE SIDEWALK ENDS ON YOU AND YOU FALL INTO A RODENT TIME SHARE.
But yeah, if we’re to advance and achieve the promise of this great nation, it must be together. Despite our political disagreements, we must link arms with our brethren and sistren and NAH I’M SORRY IT AIN’T HAPPENING THERE’S NO MUTUALITY NO COMPROMISE NO MEETING HALFWAY EITHER THEY CHANGE OR THEY CAN GO FUCK THEMSELVES GO JUMP OFF A CLIFF GO SUCK A BAG OF GNAT CLITS DO GNATS EVEN HAVE CLITS I DON’T KNOW AND I THINK I’M CURIOUS LET’S MAKE A DEAL THEY DISCOVER AND SUCK ALL THE GNAT CLITS AND THEN I FINALLY REACH OUT TO SEE HOW THAT EXPERIENCE WAS HOW DOES THAT SOUND?