Jesus Wasn't Walkin' in These: The 5 Ugliest Yeezys Currently on the Market

I can’t lie, the 750 Boosts–which first dropped back in 2015–look extremely comfortable. Also, high-tops are almost always the wave because we gotta protect our ankles at all costs.

HOWEVER (said in the most extreme Stephen A. Smith voice), it doesn’t change the fact that they look like some boots that you’d make out of whatever material you can find if you were trapped in the jungle with no shoes. Just throwing all kinds of random patches and laces and whatnot solely to ensure that they don’t slide off when you run through a patch of mud.

Might as well be called the Gangrene Preventer 750s.

Crocs, despite the comfort they may provide, are widely mocked as some of the ugliest shoes ever created. The Yeezy Foam Runner has been described as a “futuristic Croc.” So, not only is it a pain to look at, but does that mean it’s also a sign of what fashion is going to look like in the year 3021? If so, I’m kind of glad I won’t be around to catch none of that nonsense.

Sorry to my future descendants, though.

I could get on here and make all of the jokes about how these look like the slippers they give you in prison, but the internet already has that pretty well covered–so I won’t do that. I will say this, though: The fact that they’re charging upward of $55 for these joints is an Amway-level okey-doke.

It’s been said that you can’t put a price on prestige, but not only should they in this case, but that price should also be 20 bucks cheaper.

Dawg, what is this? What is this? It’s as if someone took a still photo of a dude wearing white socks and stepping into a puddle or alien symbiote or whatever else you can think of, passed it along to the folks over at Adidas, and were like “Make a shoe out of that.” The other colorways for these joints are just as tragic.

How you gonna make a shoe that looks like a cruller, @kanyewest?

Dunkin’ Donuts-ass sneaker.

One time I found myself buying a pair of Nike Air Monarchs. I’m wildly flat-footed and needed a pair of shoes that provided the right amount of arch support for me and my extremely needy feet.

The Monarchs did the trick, and I enjoyed wearing them. That all changed when I went out to eat with a friend and saw a man in his late 50s, early 60s rocking a paid of the same pair of Air Monarchs that I had just bought.

That’s when I learned that they were dad shoes, and as we all know, the only people who think dad shoes are cool are dads.

The Yeezy 500s are just high-end dad shoes. Ugly but functional.