I Love Starz’s Power, but I Hate All of These Characters

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Very few shows can entice me to spend more money on what already feels like an oppressive cable bill. However, when the press connect does not come through, I will circle back to Showtime in order to get my Homeland fix. But honestly (truly), no show really makes me hit “order” as fast as Starz’s Power. However, I can’t think of any other scripted series I love as much that has so many characters that I hate to their core.

Thankfully, a lot of the folks I hated most are already dead on the show. Yes, I’m talking about Holly. Granted, the way she went out was awful, but she was annoying as hell throughout her entire time on the show, so I’m just glad her ass is dead. The same goes for Greg Knox, who was a spiteful, jealous, obsessive loser who had long needed to die for the sake of my remaining nerves.

Unfortunately, not everyone I hate-watch on this show is at the crossroads with the aforementioned awful-ass characters, so here is a list of the remaining cast members who get on my nerves. And if you’re wondering, yes, many of these are merely opening acts for the final two—the characters on Power that I hate the absolute most.

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Cooper Saxe

Cooper isn’t really memorable enough to warrant hate per se, but let the record state that he is indeed a smug, slick-talking sum’bitch. For those unfamiliar, “sum’bitch” is “son of a bitch” for country folks like me who sometimes don’t have enough time to say all of those extra words. Plus, it sounds better to me. That aside, Cooper is annoying, and while I cannot stand Angela Valdez, he sounds like a hating-ass co-worker, and everyone hates those.

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Should he die? Maybe not, but I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing someone go oops, upside his head a few times.

Mike Sandoval

On one hand, it was nice of him to go ahead and kill Greg Knox, thus sparing us his overall insufferableness. Still, Mike is a snake that needs to be chopped and screwed and turned into a cat daddy’s shoes for Essence Fest. When are they going to find him out already, beat and shoot him? Or, you know, prosecute him to the fullest extent of the law?

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Should he die? To quote Whitley Gilbert’s mama, “DIE! JUST DIE!”

Dre

Why can’t this lil’ ungrateful bitch just tell Tommy what happened with Ghost’s annoying, bratty, stupid-ass son? Yeah, yeah, Kanan has threatened his daughter. What does that matter when the end result is him becoming Kanan’s less fun version of Teairra Mari’s “Sponsor”? Tommy may be out of his rabbit-ass mind, but he does typically know how to spot a fake. Dre doesn’t have to die, but I wish we could fast-forward to the part of the story where he realizes he needs to get on the winning team and stop swinging from Kanan like it’s recess.

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Should he die? No, but pick a side, beloved.

Kanan

So maybe 50 Cent is not the Negro League Steven Seagal. I say that because while he can be as great a pest as he is a charmer, on this show, he is exceptional at making me loathe every word that flies out of his mouth. Granted, he has every right to be mad at Ghost, but I still wish he hadn’t survived that fire as if he’s black Fire Marshall Bill.

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This man killed his own son despite being an absent and overall terrible father. Who does that? This sum’bitch, that’s who. I hate Kanan. I hate his lesbian cousin cop (played wonderfully by Anika Noni Rose). I hate his friends. I hate all of their scenes. I just hate him. Hate. Hate. Hate. I hate him like I hate a Minute Maid Mao morning tweet.

Should he die? Well, I thought he was dead already, so yes. Hell, die slow this time, Kanan.

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James “Ghost” St. Patrick

You can appreciate someone’s sex scenes and find him a ridiculous thot all the same. Ghost is a self-absorbed asshole who fancies himself a nicer guy than he actually is. He doesn’t respect Tommy, who deserves more credit as both a fellow drug dealer and a wearer of amazing outerwear. He doesn’t truly value Tasha, who has stood by him this entire time and who seems more committed to the life he chose than even he is. As a father, he’s not bad, but he was totally out of line trying to force his kids to get along with his high school sweetheart-turned-sidepiece-turned fake-ass stepmama way too soon.

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And everyone around him told him to keep away from Angela, but did he listen? No. And the nerve of him to take money from the accounts he shared with his wife to go launch a legitimate business he can’t even enjoy because he just got arrested for murder—by his lil’ ex-boo, no less.

Should he die? No, because that would end the show. Even so, Tasha should curse him out at least seven more times. I almost wish Tasha took over the “other” business with Tommy, though. She can be just as ruthless as Ghost, if not more so.

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Tariq St. Patrick

So this was hard for me. I agree with Panama Jackson that just about everyone on this show is garbage besides Tommy and Tasha. Still, in terms of who I hate most, it’s really neck and neck for me between Tariq and Angela. Like, I understand that Tariq is a kid, but this is one stupid-ass child. All of that money spent on private school, and this dimwitted motherfucking brat never learned not to talk to strangers.

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And did y’all see the season premiere? Stupid little boy, you fell for Kanan again? Tariq is disrespectful to his dad, mom and sister. He is the worst kind of fool in that he is a spoiled, privileged brat who has absolutely no idea how good he has it. He’s also a fake-ass thug. I’m sorry your dad doesn’t always communicate with you as he should. In some respects, that explains in part why Tariq is such an obnoxious teenager. Unfortunately, that doesn’t excuse how he’s been the weak link in the family since this show started. Even his sister, who barely speaks, is stronger than he is.

Should he die? I mean, I wouldn’t care if he did, but he can’t die until he fully realizes what a petty, disrespectful, dishonest ingrate he is. That and he’s been wasting time trying to find something in strangers that he already has in a dad (who at least has tried to become closer to his ditzy self). I hate this child.

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Angela “Angie” Valdez

Let’s just get this out of the way now: If Angie dies, awesome, but I actually wouldn’t mind her staying alive, if only to see her character suffer with the realization that Ghost didn’t off her on-again, off-again creepy-ass boyfriend. What I hate most about Angela is her sanctimony. One, you’re messing with a married man. Two, you’re messing with a married man who you realize is selling drugs. Three, you continue to sleep with a married man after you find out what he really does, after convincing yourself that it’s OK because he’s going to leave his wife and start going legit.

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Beloved, people can change, but when you enter a situation that messy, you’re going to be met with the consequences of the chaos you created. You also lose them how you got them, you self-righteous, hypocritical thot.

Then there is the fact that in her own career as an FBI agent, she bends the rules if not flat-out breaks the law, yet somehow always manages to justify it by some moral metric that shifts as she sees fit. And can we just talk about how bad she is at her job in general? Yeah, girl, you’ve got the gift of sniffing up dirt, but you don’t exactly know how to get tangible results in terms of convictions.

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What kind of federal prosecutor behaves like this? I guess the kind who keeps a loaded gun around her married boyfriend’s stupid-ass, nosy child. As for how the last season ended, whew, I wish Tasha would pistol-whip this raggedy-ass woman. She is a vindictive, manipulative, hypocritical asshole.

When she found out that Jamie was Ghost, she made a choice, but she refuses to acknowledge that. Now, because things didn’t turn out how she wanted, she wants to have Ghost be found guilty of a murder he didn’t commit in order to avenge the obsessive weirdo she only started smashing again to save her own ass.

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I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.

Yes, I needed to type “I hate her” that many times. She’s worth hating that much. May her life be ruined by the end of this season—or just over altogether.