Stiff where? Not stiff here!
Dear Reader,
This author is brimming with joy and relief following the latest development concerning Lady Tessica Brown and the curious case of her Gorilla Glued hairdo. On Thursday, the New York Post reported that Lady Brown underwent a surgical procedure to remove the glue under the care of Duke Dr. Obeng, a renowned plastic surgeon based in Beverly Hills. The procedure reportedly took four hours and required Lady Brown to be put under light anesthesia.
TMZ, who was granted exclusive access to capture the procedure from start to finish, showed the moments of application of the scientific solvent (created by Dr. Obeng, I might note) and the moments after when all the industrial-grade adhesive had finally been dissolved. Speaking on the ins and outs of the process, Dr. Obeng explained:
I looked up the compound, the main active ingredient in Gorilla Glue, polyurethane, and we figured out the science to break it down. It was medical grade adhesive remover that we use in the operating room. The company was very generous to us, they brought me some. They even saw me mix it while they were here. And then [with] the active ingredient, I have another ingredient called MGD. I added MGD to it, which is [an] aloe vera and olive oil mixture and then we added a little acetone.
He added, “Unfortunately I don’t know why Gorilla Glue doesn’t have a solution and actually I did make a phone call to Gorilla Glue. They were nice enough to return my phone call but I never talked with them. But like I said, I have a chemistry background so I knew that any compound can be broken down.”
After finally being freed of her horrendous hair debacle, Lady Brown could be seen lying in her hospital bed running her hands through her head in relief. “I can scratch it,” she commented. “It’s over.” And all the welps in Welpington shall welp no more!
My dearest reader, I should like to think us ALL very fortunate to have only read and empathized with this woman throughout this entire saga—and not to have experienced it firsthand. And while I wish nothing but full follicular recovery and complete scalp health restoration for Lady Brown, I wish to charge you all with a stern warning against using such impenetrable products on your tresses.
Until next time (though I truly wish for there not to be a next time), yours truly,
Lady Welpington