Monday was just Mondaying along doing its usual Monday stuff, and then former Donald Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg turned to Monday and yelled, “Hold my antidepressants!”
Basically, and this is the best way to explain what happened Monday: Nunberg received a subpoena for email records between him and former Trump adviser Roger Stone and Trump’s former chief strategist Steve Bannon, and Nunberg went white-frat-boy apeshit. He called every news station that would listen to him and went on a full college-boy temper tantrum. Seriously, he spoke to the Washington Post, MSNBC, CNN, Vox, Yahoo! and some local New York news channel called Spectrum News NY1. It was the latter interview in which he called White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka Suckabee, a fat slob.
For the better half of the evening news cycle, Nunberg went full bizarro Oprah and gave everybody a car (if the car was a sad public rant about how he won’t be doing anything required by the subpoena from special counselor Robert Mueller in the Trump Russia investigation).
If Nunberg weren’t so damn full of himself, it would have been a public meltdown, and maybe it still was, but it wasn’t a sympathetic plea from a beaten man—this was a full-on Kanye-midshow stream of consciousness rant that Nunberg himself was in on.
“Like, how ballsy is this?” Nunberg gloated during his interview with Yahoo! Finance. “This is like Donald Trump Roger Stone. Right?”
Here are some of the best hits from Nunberg’s media blitz:
- “Do you think I would ever talk to that moron?” Nunberg said of former Trump staffer Carter Page, who, he added, most likely colluded with the Russians.
- “I came up with the wall, I came up with the Muslim ban, I came up with everything to attack Jeb Bush, all that stuff.” Nunberg also came up with orange face paint used by the president in the morning, and safe words like “nanu butter” if the media is getting too close to Russian collusion.
- “Screw that! Why do I have to go? Why? For what?” This was Nunberg’s position on a subpoena. May we all be this bold some day.
- “Trump may have very well done something during the election with the Russians.” Yep, Nunberg just dropped this little jewel in the middle of his rant, because just like his idol Kanye, in between the nonsensical shit are bits of truth telling.
- “Donald Trump caused this because he’s an idiot,” Nunberg said, referring to the Russia investigation, Business Insider reports. “He decided to give an interview to Lester Holt the day after he fired James Comey, and then he decided to have Russians in the Oval Office. You’ll have to explain to me because I’ll never understand it.”
- Arguably the best line: “I’m not going to get sent to prison!” Umm, I don’t know how right you are about this one, Nunberg, but I like your moxie.
Nunberg was so off the rails that CNN anchor Erin Burnett asked him if he’d been drinking.
Burnett asked him if he’d had anything else, you know, besides alcohol. To which Nunberg replied: “No. Besides my meds ... antidepressants ... is that OK?”
I’m still confused about it all. I don’t know if Nunberg is failing spectacularly or winning miserably, but either way I admire his white-boy elitism that allows him to thumb his nose at the special counsel. But my hope is still that some of this, or all of this, lands him firmly in jail.