Last week's episode of Key & Peele featured a hilarious skit where a gay man was invited to a Black family's home to speak to them about how to act at a gay wedding. Included were questions about pony shows, "gay sections," couscous, and a perfectly deadpan Lance Reddick reminding everyone why he should have been made the police commissioner on The Wire.
Also included were a couple shots showing Romany Malco refusing to make eye contact, a running joke that blended in with the ridiculousness of the entire skit. But, while it's doubtful anyone actually believes that men wear dresses and women wear suits at gay weddings, there are people who actually do believe that making extended eye contact with a gay person will somehow turn them gay too, like gays have the vampire worms from The Strain shooting from their eyelids.
This is just one of the many idiotic (and usually unspoken) sexual myths that some people — even people who don't consider themselves closed-minded and/or homophobic — kinda, sorta believe to be true. For the sake of time, I'll just list seven more.
There's no such thing as bisexual
We're all aware that it's possible for a man or a woman to have sex with men and women. We're also aware this technically would make them bisexual. But this seems to be where the consensus stops. Because, once you start listening to people's opinions and personal feelings about bisexuality, you find that many believe…
"Bisexual man" = "confused-ass gay man"
and
"Bisexual woman" = "confused or hurt straight woman"
Basically, if a man claims to be bisexual, he's just a gay man who hasn't accepted that he's a gay man yet, and a woman claiming to be bisexual is just a straight woman who's going through a "stage" and hasn't found the right man yet.
The pull-out method doesn't work
If used properly, condoms have a 98% success rate. Which is awesome. Condoms rocks. Yay condoms! You know what the success rate is for the pull out method, if used properly? 96%. There is virtually no difference between 96% and 98%. If I said 98% of Young Berg's music sucks, and you replied that you think 96% of his music sucks, I'd say we were on the same page and could even be friends.
Anyway, if you claim to have gotten someone pregnant while using the pull out method, you clearly didn't pull out in time, which means you didn't actually use the pull out method. Which also means you probably do things like try to return pancake mix because you tried eating it without actually cooking it and assumed they sold you defective pancakes.
If he's a 20-something or 30-something virgin, or is relatively inexperienced, or is into Asian/White/smaller women, or, likes to recycle, he must have a small wang
Granted, I haven't done much fact checking with this, because that would require a lot of very intrusive inspections. Or at least a bunch of very extensive questionnaires. And that just seems too time-consuming. But, this "fact" — which is often alluded to and/or implied when conversations about men who fit these characteristics occur — just can't be true, and it says more about the person saying it than it does about the person they're saying it about.
What exactly does it say? I DON'T HAVE THE ANSWERS, SWAY!
If she sleeps with you on the first night, this must mean she sleeps with everyone on the first night
Obviously, the men who believe this don't believe in their own awesome. Because if they assume she must do that with everyone, they obviously don't believe there was something special and awesome enough about them to make them an exception. Believe in your own awesome, men.
If you apply Jergens Cherry Almond lotion to your body right before having sex, your bedroom is going to smell like a vanilla milkshake right after sex
Actually, nevermind. This one is actually true.