So, conservatives across the country got their Cat in the Hat themed Underoos all in a bunch over imaginary cancel culture that only had imaginary things to do with Dr. Seuss Enterprises making its own damn decision to discontinue six books—most of which, like, nine people total have read—from publication over what it deemed to be racist and insensitive imagery. As a result of this absolute non-troversy, Dr. Seuss’s books have been selling like green eggs and hotcakes because crybaby-ass counter-cancel-culture-cowards banded together to buy up scores of children’s books that likely come just shy of matching their current reading level.
The fine folks at Fox News probably got a nice, juicy collective hard-on when they got to report that “Dr. Seuss’ books seem more popular than ever amid the controversy” that only exists in the minds of paranoid right-wingers.
According to Fox, Dr. Seuss classics The Cat in The Hat, Oh, The Places You’ll Go and Green Eggs and Ham “were all out of stock on Amazon but still available at a higher price on Barnes and Noble’s website as of Thursday evening.”
Listen: None of this represents anything extraordinary at all. Surges in the sales of products connected to controversy—even fake controversy—happen every day, B.
R Kelly, unfucking-fortunately, saw a rise in Spotify streams just after the Surviving R Kelly docuseries dropped. Years ago, Seinfeld DVDs saw a sales boost shortly after disgraced comedian Michael Richards went full KKK-Kramer on Black audience members while he was performing a show. When country music star Morgan Wallen had his music removed from streaming platforms and radio stations refused to play him after he was caught on video using the n-word, sales of his music went up.
People are terrible and drama increases sales—it’s nothing new.
Of course, that didn’t stop conservative blowhards like Texas Sen. Ted “I left my wallet in Cancun but I’ll give you this water soon as the camera starts rolling” Cruz from celebrating the boost in Dr. Seuss books by...making a complete ass out of himself on Twitter.
“Who knew Joe Biden was such a great book seller,” Horton Hears a Snowflake tweeted Wednesday because apparently, Cruz thinks Dr. Seuss Enterprises has accepted a cabinet position in the Biden administration.
Cruz then followed his first jab of embarrassing nonsense with a whole white nonsense uppercut when he tweeted “Could Biden try to ban my book next? One Vote Away was the No. 1 Bestseller on Amazon a couple of months ago...maybe Joe could get it back there?”
And that, my friends, is how you know “cancel culture” is bullshit—because if it were really the plague on modern society people claim it is, no one would need to be this extra over something as mundane as the discontinuing of racist children’s books nobody cared about until now.
This is dumb...so dumb.