The Amos ‘n’ Andy versions of The Simpsons characters Patty and Selma—you might know them as Sunken Place landlords Diamond and Silk—are apparently finally convinced that racism is real.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Damn, the Black Lives Matter movement is going so hard it even got through to Auntie Ruckus and discount Candace Owens.” (It’s up to you to figure out who is who. I’m actually not sure which one of them is Diamond and which is Silk; I just know they were both once girls made of sugar and spice and probably “Mammy” dolls.) But, nope—it turns out their sudden revelation that racism is an actual thing that exists came to them after they were fired by Fox News.
Earlier this year, Lynette “Diamond” Hardaway and Rochelle “Silk” Richardson lost their jobs as vloggers for Fox News’ streaming service Fox Nation, which launched in 2018. The Black conservative duo—who should be considered the Home Depot of house negrodom—tapped danced their way into matching pink slips after they started repeating all of the COVID-19 conspiracy theories echoed by the same idiots on your newsfeed trying to prove to you that the conspiracy is real by linking articles from SeeTheConspiracyIsReal.com.
The Daily Beast got ahold of an excerpt from the shuck and jive duo’s book (yes, they wrote a book because 2020 decided it hasn’t jumped the shark far enough yet) titled Uprising: Who the Hell Said You Can’t Ditch and Switch?—The Awakening of Diamond and Silk.
From the Daily Beast:
“Here is the crazy thing, y’all,” Silk declares in the book. “Fox News hosts like Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity, and Laura Ingraham were questioning the same things we were questioning about the virus and pandemic. The very same questions we had raised were being discussed openly on Fox News.”
She continues: “Why were our Fox Nation videos dialed back because they were deemed overly political, but it was okay for others on the network to talk about politics, even down to asking some of the same questions we had? Why were we such a threat? We only did one video every week, and it was hidden behind a paid subscription wall. When you really think about it, was this part of the systemic racism that everybody was talking about?”
Diamond fumes: “How in the hell was it OK for for [sic] the white show host to ask the same questions and talk about the same things that we were speaking about, but our video content was dialed back for being overly political? We were all asking the same questions and talking about the same thing.”
*deep inhale*
AHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA *catches breath* HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Bruh, what?
Are these women—who called the Black Lives Matter movement a “mess” and declared that racism is over and Black people are being used as pawns to fuel the liberal agenda—really out here trying to get sympathy because they just found out their seat at the whites-only table came with terms and conditions? Are they really that clueless? (There’s a Stacey Dash joke in there somewhere, but I don’t have the energy to think of it.)
I’ve been stretching my skill as a writer to find words sophisticated enough to express my feelings as eloquently as possible:
Nigga, please.
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