Up until last week, I had a very vague knowledge of Derrick Jaxn. I’d heard his name of course. He and a slew of other chaps’ names are often bandied about when it comes to relationship “gurus;” their videos in cars and places are often shared all over the social medias. In my neck of the social medias—the Wishanigga Woods—though, it’s usually to clown them for even existing in the “relationship expert” space even if, on occasion, their advice and opinions aren’t necessarily bad. Look, nobody knows the mind of an ain’t-shit-nigga like an ain’t-shit-nigga. Can I get an amen? Can I get a “that’s right!”
So when Derrick Jaxn got exposed for not practicing what he preaches and the relentless clowning began, I mostly tried to stay out of it. For one, I didn’t care and honestly couldn’t pick the brotha out in a lineup if my life depended on it. But the Derrick Jaxn news became an avalanche. It’s not that folks couldn’t stop taking this dude to task, it’s that they wouldn’t stop. When you publicly peddle a product and self-profess to be a relationship expert and you are actually proven to be trash at your own relationship, well the walls will come tumbling down. That’s to be expected.
Quick tangent: when Damon, Liz and I started VSB back in 2008, it’s because we noticed that the posts we’d written about relationships got the most attention and comments (trust and believe the relationship space will always be a profitable one). So we decided to double down and write a book we eventually released called Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime. The title is a bit of a red herring; the vast majority of what’s in the book are our observations about relationships, pertinent for men and women, not advice so much. But back then (the book released in 2011), there was a big marketplace for that type of content. Eventually, though, Damon and I both were over the relationship game, especially because neither of us was experts at relationships and had receipts to suggest as much, but also, despite how popular that lane is (and why folks like Derrick Jaxn and Kevin Samuels, etc. can thrive) it just wasn’t for us. And you know what, it’s because of stuff like what’s happening now that I couldn’t be happier that we switched course.
Since Derrick Jaxn got exposed there was a video, then a video with him and his wife where she looked like a hostage (not her attire, her facial expressions and that grip he had on her), then him stupidly doing a reaction video to the hostage video and attempting to hawk his obsolete ass book at the same time and then his wife doing a video in camouflage and a helmet of salvation. Listen, you never go full “helmet of salvation.”
After watching all of this and the hilarious—and due—comeuppance Mr. Jaxn is receiving, I have a few takeaways from it all. These aren’t all of my takeaways, but I’ll share a few; I hate how much brain space I’ve spent on this nigga already.
1. Somebody needs to take their phones.
Listen, the worst thing folks can do when they feel like their brand is dying a slow death is trying to social media through it. You can’t flip the narrative for people who don’t care if you exist or not anyway. Most of us clowning them don’t pay attention to them unless somebody shares something of particular clown-worthiness. Which leads to another BIG takeaway for any and everybody who has a brand to protect...
2. Make sure you’re fighting the battle against the right people.
I don’t know why Derrick and his wife keep making videos. Seriously, none of us care; it’s just more fodder to clown. And they are providing so much ammunition it’s almost sad. One thing wayward pastors and terrible human beings have taught us is that when shit goes left, there is always a contingent who either over-roots for the underdog or who cares enough to stick around just because. Talk to those folks, close ranks. Stop making videos trying to convince unconvince-able folks that you’re both fine and good and happy. You all don’t look good, fine or happy. We don’t believe you (mostly her), you need more people.
3. Trying to salvage a relationship publicly sucks. Do not want.
This kind of goes back to number 2. These two clearly have more shit to work through. Perhaps they need to sit back and play the saxophone together for a while. Take a staycation. Go radio silent and make sure they’re good and on the same page. Because right now, Derrick and Da’Naia Jaxn are comic book characters and it’s not going well.
And I get it, your brand is your relationship and once you (in this case his wife) have decided that you’re going to be there and it feels like the world is clowning you, the desire to defend is real. I get it. But how you do it either makes you look crazy (as it does now), dishonest (like it does now) or like you’re more worried about the bag than the marriage (like it does now). If me and mines start going through some shit, we gon’ have to institute a social media ban.
Here’s the stupid part, most folks I’ve spoken to had never even heard about or knew who his wife was until this all happened. Some folks put their relationships all over social media initiating the “it’s not your relationship, it’s our relationship” launch code. That ain’t this.
They’re jumping out there defending a relationship (well she is anyway, we’ll get to her next) whose success none of us are invested in.
4. Ain’t it amazing how Derrick’s ain’t-shitness has turned into a situation where the wife is catching all the hell?
It’s pretty par the course, but somehow the wife has become the story. Now she ain’t helping; the camo and “helmet of salvation” was PRIMED for social media clowning. But she’s a woman with a husband she has decided she wants to keep who is now being clowned relentlessly and who folks are pretending to be concerned about.
So all of a sudden she’s getting all this messaging about “save yourself, sis” but amplified to the 1,000th degree. This, above all else, is why she needs to put the phone down. Your husband is going to make you look crazy so the messaging won’t stop, but she has to be blind to the bullshit. It’s going to have her making more videos looking crazy and insisting on this particular hat that set the Internet ablaze. If she were to ask me for advice, I’d tell her to put the phone down and insist her husband do, too. It will eventually blow over and they can eventually get back to that bag from folks who somehow still believe in him. Meanwhile, I’m sure as long as folks know he exists his wife is going to catch hell. Delete social media. Chrissy Teigen just did it, she can too.
5. Buddy really blamed God for being a fuckboy.
I watched his whole first video explaining himself and I couldn’t believe that he really said he was mad at God so he was trash. That’s what I heard. He should have re-recorded that shit. Go home, Roger.