Thanks to the coronavirus, outside has been canceled.
COVID-19, the illness caused by the novel coronavirus—or DaRona, as I affectionately call it—stormed the globe and shut down everything that was remotely related to bringing me happiness. The gym? Canceled. The movies and restaurants? Canceled. Events? Canceled. Hoetivities? Yup, that’s canceled too. While stuck in my house, I have eaten everything imaginable. I have used the grocery store as a means to feel and turned it into an event, an event that has me buying snacks every other day. After this period, I will either emerge as the baddest bitch or finally make my debut as a plus-sized model.
The days have all started running together and I am confident that I would answer incorrectly if randomly asked what day it was because, for all I know, this has just turned into the longest Monday known to mankind. I’ve started hoping this is some form of a bad dream I’m trapped in and hope I wake up at some point, but here I am typing this blog wide awake with a dream that’s now deferred.
While we’re all practicing the act of dying slowly from boredom, or as officials call it, “social distancing,” it is imperative that one finds ways to not go crazy whilst trapped at home. Luckily, by the grace of Christ and his well-moisturized beard, various celebrities have been blessing us with multiple means of entertainment over the last couple of days.
Singer, songwriter and not-so-ordinary person John Legend graced our ears with his vocal prowess by hosting a concert from his living room. Accompanied by wife Chrissy Teigen—who was draped in a towel, drinking a glass of wine—a pantless, robe-wearing Legend gave us the concert we didn’t know we needed during these dismal times. He took breaks from serenading the world to remind us of the importance of giving/donating during these times and stated that “your mental health is very important during this time,” urging us all to be kinder to ourselves while we’re facing uncertainty. During all of this, Teigen was participating in a bottomless wine session, which is probably relatable to more than 50 percent of the American population. I am in that number.
Actress, dancer and honestly overall baddest in the game Debbie Allen hosted a live dance class on Instagram for 32K+ of her closest friends. I was filled with glee when I saw a class by Allen being taught, half because I needed some cardio since all the gyms in life are closed and also because I get filled with joy at the promise of anything free because as we know, the rent is too damn high and any opportunity to save money is a win for us all.
“I want to use this opportunity to spread light during these dark times,” Allen said before she started to sashay rhythmically across my screen. Song after song I was clapping and moving to the beat—and then Beyoncé started to play.
“We can’t do it without Queen Bee” she exclaimed, and it was at that moment that I knew I was in the right place. Knowing her audience was filled with various age and ability ranges, Allen made the forty-something minutes a fun-filled moment with moves that varied a range of skill sets. She waved her hands, glided across the floor, strutted and hit a mean two-step whilst turning and giving to the world. Whether you’re a fan of Allen or just needed a welcome escape from reality, she delivered to your needs and filled wherever you were watching with so much joy.
Holder of one of the most powerful vaginas in existence, Erykah Badu has also introduced the “Quarantine Concert Series” that’ll be performed from her bedroom for $1. Somewhere in creation, there is a heterosexual man that is jumping for glee at a chance to see inside Badu’s oasis for a mere dollar. On her Instagram account, Badu said “we gotta keep moving” and “we gotta keep this thing going.” As an artist, Badu reminded us that their survival depends on performance and shows. She said DaRona isn’t going to stop her shows, which have been indefinitely canceled in person. So sometime this weekend, for four strong quarters, ten dimes or twenty nickels, you’ll be able to hear your favorite Badu tracks. A date and time have not yet been released, but Badu says details are forthcoming.
We are all dealing with social distancing in various ways, but it’s great to know Al Gore’s internet is out here providing us with different means of escapism. What keeps me going is knowing that this period of time is not forever and once this is all over, 2020 is going to be giving Shonda Rhimes’ “Year of Yes.” Corey, do you want to go to Brooklyn from Harlem? Yes. Corey, do you want to grab a drink? Yes. Corey, do you want to jump off a cliff? Maybe, but probably still yes.