It’s always that one person with the loudest mouth who eventually proves he’s a sack of lying crap. And during Sunday night’s episode of The Bachelorette, Rachel Lindsay gave one would-be suitor a simple, “Get the fuck out.” This is a spoiler alert for those easily offended by spoilers.
During a basketball game that pitted the men against one another, Lindsay was confronted by a woman named Lexi who alleged that she was in a relationship with the dude named DeMario.
“I wanted to talk you, I was watching TV last week, and I saw that the first couple of guys came out to meet you, and I saw one guy came out with an engagement ring, and up until hours before that, he had been my boyfriend of seven months,” Lexi said of DeMario. “He’s lied to all of us, and he’s really deceived everybody here, but he literally still has the keys to my apartment.
“We literally never broke up. He just stopped responding. Literally hadn’t heard from him in three days, and then turned my TV on, and he was on it,” Lexi said.
Lindsay then went to the locker room to grab DeMario and get his side of the story. But one question I have is, how did Lexi know where the basketball game was being held?
“Karma’s a bitch, isn’t it, DeMario?” Lexi asked.
Of course, DeMario tried to play like he had no idea who the woman was.
“Who’s this?” DeMario asked. “She is psycho. I met her many, many times ago. I met her a long time ago. I met her a few times, I saw her a few times; we had something. I then lose it with her, because she is just like what she is right now. Me and her were on again, off again; we had something. [I broke things off] face-to-face. I went over to her house, I talked to her.”
Why is the woman always psycho when she’s just busted some dude?
“On my father’s grave, on my kittens sleeping on my bed at my house right now, that never, ever happened,” Lexi said. “Last time he was in my house, he was fucking me!”
“I don’t know her, but to be honest, I don’t know you right now, either,” Lindsay replied. “If I ask her to show me her phone, is it going to coincide with what he said, or what you said?”
And sure enough, Lindsay read the text messages on Lexi’s phone and flipped out.
“DeMario, someone who is crazy, you don’t explain yourself as a secretive person, that you’re going to work harder on yourself. ... I don’t want somebody who is texting somebody saying, ‘Goodnight, babe,’” Lindsay said. “Because I’m putting myself out here, and I’ve sent people home who I felt genuinely wanted to be here. I have no idea why you’re here right now. I believe you want to be here; I just don’t think you want to be here for me.
“So let me tell you something—I’m not here to be played,” she continued. “I’m not here to be made a joke of, which is what I feel like you’re doing right now with me, so I’m really going to need you to just get the fuck out.”
DeMario left the scene, and Lindsay went back to the locker room to tell the other men what occurred.
The men put on their best show of concern for Lindsay and couldn’t believe that DeMario betrayed not only her but them. Because you know, they were all “boys” by now.
Lindsay, of course, went on to give out her roses; she had a pretty decent date earlier with the gap-toothed dude from Wisconsin. Apparently, bonding over gaps is a thing. FYI, I have a gap; who wants to bond?
There was a lot of openmouthed kissing in this episode, and the only thing I could think about was herpes. I’m assuming there’s a battery of health exams that contestants have to take.
Of course, as with all reality shows, we were left with a cliffhanger. DeMario had the balls to show up at the rose ceremony wanting to speak to Lindsay. The rest of the men rushed out to confront him, and then we were given a “To be continued.”
Yeah, I’ve pretty much had enough of The Bachelorette; I’m pissed that I missed the Michael Jackson movie. But I’m going to stick it out to see someone punch “Whaboom” guy in the jaw.