Conservatives' Wet-Ass-Preoccupation With 'WAP' Leads to an Epic Back-and-Forth Between Cardi B and Candace Owens

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Cardi B performs onstage during the 63rd Annual GRAMMY Awards on March 14, 2021; Candace Owens speaks to guests during the NRA-ILA Leadership Forum on April 26, 2019.
Cardi B performs onstage during the 63rd Annual GRAMMY Awards on March 14, 2021; Candace Owens speaks to guests during the NRA-ILA Leadership Forum on April 26, 2019.
Photo: Kevin Winter/Getty Images for The Recording Academy (Getty Images), Scott Olson/Getty Images (Getty Images)

The sanctimonious obsession with a popular song about moistened muffs continues! Thanks to this past weekend’s Grammys telecast, conservatives can continue to not care about the domestic terrorism displayed at a whole national monument and divert that energy to Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s “WAP!” What a life!

The two award-winning rappers gave quite the memorable performance at the 2021 Grammy Awards, which was the perfect excuse for conservatives to display their fake-concern about the children. Oh no! Won’t someone think of the children whose parents have the personal responsibility to choose whether or not they can engage in obvious adult programming??!!

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One of those anti-WAP warriors commenting on the Grammys performance was none other than Mrs. Clout-Chasing Conservative Correspondent herself: Candace Owens. Recently appearing on Cucker—I mean, Tucker Carlson’s show on Fox News, Candace went off about the Grammys performance and how inappropriate it was.

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“Parents should be terrified that this is the direction that our society is heading towards,” Candace ranted. “Again, we are weakening America…We are setting the stage and it feels like we are looking at corrosion...like we are about to see the end of an empire.”

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Talk about pussy power. As the clip made the rounds on Twitter, Cardi quickly hopped on to comment joking, “Yaaaayyyyyyy WE MADE FOX NEWS GUYS !!! Wap wap wap.”

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That led to a popcorn-worthy back-and-forth on Twitter. It was a lot, so here are a few highlights:

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Anyway, Cardi took things up a notch by posting a photoshopped tweet from a blog, where Candace seemed to tweet that her husband cheated on her with her brother.

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If it’s—it, meaning Candace’s head—up (her ass), then it’s stuck because the back-and-forth escalated quickly into a ridiculous lawsuit threat. Responding to a supposed fan suggesting that she sue, Candace wrote, “Yes. Just spoke with my family. I am 100% suing Cardi for that nonsense. You can’t just start throwing out wild lies against private members of my family because you’re upset someone called you out on your degenerate performance. I‘ll keep you all posted.”

Girl...OK. So, why is this threat ridiculous? Hell, let the lawyers tell you:

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As criminal defense & 1A attorney T. Greg Doucette noted in a thread breaking down the legalities of this silly situation, “Candace Owens cannot sue on her brother’s behalf. Period. If her brother sues instead, he’d lose because he won’t be able to prove actual malice and has no damages.”

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“The original photoshopped tweet was satire anyway—in response to Owens’s tweet about Harry Styles not being “manly”—so that’s just one more reason atop the pile of why a defamation case would go nowhere,” Doucette continued, citing Hustler v Falwell, 485 US 46 (1988).

Following Candace’s lawsuit threat, Cardi lobbed that threat right back at her like a tennis ball in a highly spirited match.

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As Newsweek noted, this isn’t the first time the two have engaged in a war-of-words on Twitter, as Candace also had an issue with then-presidential nominee Joe Biden sitting down to speak with Cardi last August.

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Anyway, I’m sure Candace is still talking about it as a way to promote her new show that I won’t watch at the very moment I’m writing about her (oh, the cyclical beneficial relationship between ridiculous trending racists and the opportunity to dunk on them for digital media clicks!). But, that’s dry...we’re here for WAPs.