Hell no, we’re not in.
I’m not gonna front: I wanted so badly to file “Christmas tree brows” under “Shit White People Do,” but a basic Google search of “crazy brows” easily confirmed that these are equal opportunity offenses. And people, it has to stop.
Stop with the braided brows, the squiggly brows, the triple brows ... just stop it. Please—for the love of all that is sacred and aesthetically pleasing—stop.
The rise of these frankly hideous trends has hipped us to a major issue: Folks need to diversify their hobbies and explore some new interests because they’re clearly bored. So to help move us into a new year where we hopefully escape these horrors, we’ve come up with a handy-dandy list of activities that are more productive than doing b.s. like this to your likely already tortured brows:
1. Organize your sock drawer. Or your bra drawer. Or your drawers drawer.
2. Origami. It’s meditative and will give you something else to do with your hands other than this. On that note ...
3. Nail art. It takes a surprisingly long time to get that ambidextrous skill down. While you’re there ...
4. Tend to your cuticles and crusty heels. The Glow Up’s Veronica Webb has some excellent DIY tips ...
5. Macramé. But do not—I repeat, do not—attempt to macramé your brows.
6. Glassblowing. You may never use that ashtray, but seriously, this would be a better—and prettier—use of your time.
7. Trim an actual Christmas tree or decorate your home for Christmas/Kwanzaa/New Year’s/the apocalypse. Our friends at AphroChic have provided some useful tips.
8. Stop trying to find new ways to mutilate your brows and find the perfect red lipstick. It’s harder than you think.
9. Read. A book, a fashion magazine, a poem on the subway, The Root, anything ... just read.
10. Get political. I know—it’s not festive or sexy, but it is necessary. Because as a now viral tweet reminds us:
I’m not telling you to try socialism; that’s a personal choice (that you should read up on). Just leave your brows alone. I promise they’ll thank you.