Kylie Jenner’s boyfriend and the half of Outkast not named Andre 3000 are set to perform at the Super Bowl Halftime show with the Great Value Rolling Stones after the National Football League announced that Big Boi and Travis Scott will join Maroon 5 at Super Bowl LIII (which is, appropriately, almost “liiit”), marking the second time that boobs will appear at the heralded halftime show.
Travis Scott, known for accepting sloppy seconds and having the name of the guy who sat behind you in your fourth-grade social studies class, was the subject of speculation for months after numerous black artists passed on the opportunity like Maxine Waters would pass on a Donald Trump rally.
In support of blackballed quarterback Colin Kaepernick, our Lord and Savior Robyn Rihanna Fenty told the league to kick rocks, although we are unsure what she would have done during the halftime show. I’m pretty sure she’s not a singer. Maybe she was going to do a makeup tutorial or something. After she was approached with the “perform-for-free” offer, Rapper Cardi B reportedly told the league to get out of her face with that bullshit, citing her support for Kaepernick and the fact that as a boss, she has pledged to only make “money moves.”
After Jay-Z reportedly called Travis Scott urging him not to perform, the “Sicko Mode” rapper allegedly required the NFL to make a donation to a social justice charity. Billboard reports:
A source close to the negotiations has now confirmed to Billboard that Scott required the NFL to make a joint donation to an organization fighting for social justice in order for him to move forward with the event.
Scott made a $500,000 donation in partnership with the NFL to “social justice accelerator” Dream Corps, an organization founded by Van Jones in 2014, and will work with the NFL on additional initiatives.
“I back anyone who takes a stand for what they believe in,” Scott said in a statement. “I know being an artist that it’s in my power to inspire. So before confirming the Super Bowl Halftime performance, I made sure to partner with the NFL on this important donation. I am proud to support Dream Corps and the work they do that will hopefully inspire and promote change.”
While some see the addition of Big Boi as a nod to Atlanta’s long musical legacy, others have criticized the hip-hop legend’s move to be the sidepiece for the Dollar Tree Beatles and bootleg A$AP Rocky, noting that they do not like the way the Outkast member moves.
When told of Scott’s donation to his charity, CNN’s Van Jones wept openly, kissed the photo of the Kardashian family he wears on a locket around his neck, sipped from the insulated tumbler of white tears that he carries everywhere, and proclaimed that Travis Scott was one of the most revolutionary rappers in the game, only surpassed by Jones’ favorite conscious emcee, Macklemore.