Plans for a bipartisan probe into the whiny-righty-whitey rebellion at the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6 appear to be circling the drain after House Speaker Nancy Pelosi rejected two out of five of Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy’s Republican picks to sit on the panel. McCarthy responded to Pelosi’s decision by taking his ball and going home because the post-Trump GOP is still run by man-babies even without its rust-colored grand wizard boss baby at the helm.
Now, McCarthy has declared that he and his dry-hump-the-Trump brigade will run their own investigation into the riot, and, well, I think we all know that will be about as useful as a book on proper tanning consistency written by—you know what? Never mind. I was trying to see how many Donald Trump sneak disses I could fit into one lede, but I’m better than this.
Anyway on Thursday, the Washington Post reported that Pelosi dismissed Reps. Jim Jordan (R-Ohio) and Jim Banks (R-Ind.) from the committee because they wear Trump’s ass like a Burger King crown, voted against his impeachment, supported overturning the election results and because they’re both named Jim and white men named Jim almost always smell like old coffee beans, pre-chewed tobacco and deer carcasses. (I made that last part up, but I feel like it’s true.)
“With respect for the integrity of the investigation, with an insistence on the truth and with concern about statements made and actions taken by these Members, I must reject the recommendations of Representatives Banks and Jordan to the Select Committee,” Pelosi said in a statement. “The unprecedented nature of January 6th demands this unprecedented decision.”
Pelosi was, however, ready to seat the other three McCarthy picks—Rodney Davis (R-Ill.), Kelly Armstrong (R-N.D.) and Troy E. Nehls (R-Tex.)—but that wasn’t enough to keep McCarthy cooperating.
Pelosi called on McCarthy to name two new Republicans to the committee to replace Slim Jim and Jim Beam (I’m sorry, but one of them is just going to have to change his first name), but McCarthy decided to throw a tantrum instead and pull all five of his picks from the panel.
From the Post:
McCarthy instead vowed to go his own way, pulling all five Republicans he had named off the committee and saying the GOP would launch its “own investigation of the facts,” without providing specifics on what such an inquiry would entail. Rep. Liz Cheney of Wyoming, a sharp Trump critic chosen by Pelosi, is the only Republican remaining on the panel.
“We will run our own investigation,” McCarthy said during a news conference Wednesday. “[Americans] don’t deserve politics, they don’t deserve destroying the institution. No committee in Congress will work if one person is picking all who can serve.”
See, this is why I hate Republicans. In just three sentences, McCarthy managed to make at least four statements that were disingenuous and/or hypocritical.
Americans “don’t deserve politics?” Bruh, all politicians play politics. It’s right there in the title. And when it comes to dirty politics, Republicans really need to stop pretending they’re not the head party in charge.
Americans “don’t deserve destroying the institution?” What institution would that be? Democracy? The GOP literally tried to cancel democracy when they played politics in helping Trump spread voter fraud propaganda without even a sliver of evidence, which happens to be the thing that led to the whiny wypipo rage against the voting machines on Jan. 6 in the first place.
And how is Pelosi the only person “picking all who can serve” on the committee when McCarthy picked five members himself and would have been able to pick two more to replace Jim & Jim Incorporated if he wasn’t being such a crying-ass bitch-baby about the whole thing?
Finally, are we really to believe McCarthy is going to conduct a proper investigation? Is this not the same man who was staunchly against the probe from the beginning and even reportedly threatened GOP members who agreed to participate?
McCarthy doubled down on all his erroneous white nonsense during a news conference, saying that for things to move forward as planned, Jims Unite has to be allowed to take part.
“Speaker Pelosi has taken the unprecedented step of denying the minority party’s picks for the select committee on January 6th,” he said. “This represents something that has not happened in the House before. House Democrats must answer this question: Why are you allowing a lame-duck speaker to destroy this institution? This is the people’s house, not Pelosi’s House.”
At this point, I’m pretty sure politicians just really love using the word “unprecedented.” There’s nothing abnormal about majority or minority leaders using their power to reject the opposing party’s candidates for any position. Hell, since the Obama years, rejecting Democratic candidates for purely political reasons has basically been Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell’s favorite game outside of wearing a turtleneck without wearing a turtleneck.
Despite Republican cock-blockery, supporters of the investigation say the probe will move forward.
Rep. Liz Cheney, the only Republican still presently on board, declared as much after blasting Jim, Jim and McCarthy for their “disingenuous” bullshit.
“This investigation must go forward,” she said. “The idea that anybody would be playing politics with an attack on the United States Capitol is despicable and is disgraceful.”
Pelosi has also expressed her intent to move forward regardless of opposition.
According to Politico, the head House speaker in charge met with Cheney and the seven Democrats on the panel and reportedly told them, “The facts will take us where we go, not anything else.”
“This is deadly serious,” she continued explaining to her team that Republican buffoonery won’t stop this train. “This is about our Constitution. It’s about our country. It’s about an assault on the Capitol.”
As for her thoughts on McCarthy, it appears that at this point, she has none. In fact, Politico reports that when reporters asked her about him, she responded, “I’m not talking about him. Let’s not waste each other’s time.”
Pelosi was all of us in that moment.